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Monday, September 17, 2012, 4:28PM

Well, I haven't journaled for at least a week due to a combination of what life throws at me. I'm still talking to my pre-tulpa whenever possible, such as near-empty restaurants, when I'm alone in my room, or walking from class to class. I didn't want to do this, but I'm all about trust: I will try to only keep weekly updates from now on instead of being random. College takes up way too much time as it is, but I also have a lot to do these days. Also, if I set a goal for myself, then I'll remember easier.

I feel like I should make up for all the previously missed posts by making this post larger than a paragraph, but I don't have much to say. I'm frustrated because of my failures-- from not being able to create a tulpa before college started. Daymares are getting worse, but you probably already know that. I'm getting them in public more than I used to. I can cough a short time afterward or shake my hand as if I hurt it, but screaming aloud, transitioning from a daymare into reality while I am in an conversation, or muttering "get out of me" can't really be covered up.

I had a nightmare last night for a change: I was slipping on ice into a dark pit. I hate the cold. I'm tired all the time. My personality has changed for the worse-- I finally broke and I don't care about politeness anymore, which I am constantly fighting to fix. I am not doing as well as I want to in school (I am a perfectionist, so take this with a grain of salt). I know that college is not the right environment for tulpa-creation, but with these added variables, I don't see a tulpa being made any time soon. If I were my tulpa, I'd wait until I was thankful again.

Thankful: I'm thankful that I'm an interesting person... in a psychological perspective.

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