Update 5-27-13
I go by Toggle in this blog.
I enjoy psychology, programming, and punk singing.
Thank you for stopping by.
I have no childhood memories. I have amnesia (my memory fades over a few days), which has led me to be able to 'read' people, empathize, be distracting, and be vague enough in order to fool people into thinking I have a clue to what is going on. I remember events as flashbacks as long as it is tied down to a negative emotion such as guilt. I keep my defenses up as long as I am awake to prevent guilt-ridden flashbacks, but it is exhausting. As of the summer of 2012, I decided to create a tulpa in order to gain memory capabilities.
As of January, 2013, I created a tulpa. Soon after, I lost it. In May, I realized that, after a painful flashback, I heard an apology.
Written at the start of the blog:
I am Toggle in this blog.
I go by Toggle in this blog.
I enjoy psychology, programming, and punk singing.
Thank you for stopping by.
I have no childhood memories. I have amnesia (my memory fades over a few days), which has led me to be able to 'read' people, empathize, be distracting, and be vague enough in order to fool people into thinking I have a clue to what is going on. I remember events as flashbacks as long as it is tied down to a negative emotion such as guilt. I keep my defenses up as long as I am awake to prevent guilt-ridden flashbacks, but it is exhausting. As of the summer of 2012, I decided to create a tulpa in order to gain memory capabilities.
As of January, 2013, I created a tulpa. Soon after, I lost it. In May, I realized that, after a painful flashback, I heard an apology.
Written at the start of the blog:
I am Toggle in this blog.
I enjoy reading, writing, and being healthy!
Memory
I was raised right and polite, but I cannot remember my past unless supplied with a memory trigger. I have no clue what I did a week ago.
I have bad flashbacks I call daymares. Good flashbacks, I type down in a bunch of scattered documents.
I have bad flashbacks I call daymares. Good flashbacks, I type down in a bunch of scattered documents.
Because I don't usually get to know people very well, I have to quickly adapt to conversations. For this reason, I know every trick in the book to fool others into not suspecting anything.
Also, my life is like a crazy movie. You should read my blog.
Also, my life is like a crazy movie. You should read my blog.
Causes?
No drugs, alcohol, tobacco, or abuse. I honestly don't know.
I get daymares partially because I have a huge conscience.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/search/label/1
Update 4-28-2013
I enjoy reading? Writing? Health?
I am incredibly different now!
My health is in decline due to sleep deprivation, which is due to classes.
My daymares are hardly a problem, as they occur only when I am alone and I am not alone nearly as much as I once was (evidently). Actually, my daymares are not as much flashbacks as they are electric shocks of emotion these days. They are still tied to the same basic negative emotion, though.
Let's see... what else?
I do not speak to my tulpa much. Probably once a week. It took so much effort to get a tulpa and it must have been awful to find it gone one day.
In January 2013 when I gained my tulpa, I had let my guard down and I thought my depression days (years) were finally over. Insert analogy of chains, breathing, and weight here. Also in January 2013, soon after I gained my tulpa, I lost my tulpa. I was lured into a false sense of security despite years of distrust conditioning.
I do not know how I reacted, other than making the last post on the blog where I say that I made a tulpa. Right now, I cannot even begin to imagine how I felt in January. Wow. Well, it is 3AM and I have some sleep to catch. Goodnight, whoever you are.
