147

Monday, September 3, 2012, 11:41PM

It's been a while for sure. It occurred to me recently that I am actually racing myself in this whole tulpa creation process. I cannot remember the clear way I described it, but in short, it involves me eventually wanting a tulpa strongly, then my brain wants desperately to trick myself into being tired of everything and lowers its expectations until it is eventually satisfied with parroting.
In other news, I might have reached a new level of forgetfulness. In other words, this might get harder. Now that I mention it, I am also racing my degrading mind.
To think that all this time, I've been trying to go easy on the crazy.

Maybe I should talk about tulpae for a little while longer: I haven't been devoting time throughout the entire day as I did in the summer. Instead, I speak right before I go to bed (and fall asleep mid conversation) or whenever I am not doing anything at the moment (studying, stressing, complaining about college, etc). I'm frequently saying, "One of these days, you're going to say something back." I have stopped talking about what I remember I did that day and I'm mostly speaking seriously and opening up.

Progress: Communication... one way.

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