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Thursday, January 17, 2013, 2:41AM

Honestly, I had it.

I had a tulpa.

It was... how many weeks ago?

I was in the snow, just thinking. I had been narrating since that morning and it was a few hours before noon.

There's something calming about snow. Usually, it blinds me, but it must have been especially cloudy that day.

I could focus. I wasn't thinking about all the things that could go wrong. I didn't follow scenarios. I gave up on method and just did.

I took that day slow. Nothing was stressful. There was nothing to do and I was ready to be torn from my comfort zone and thrown into the unexpected and unscheduled.

Her voice wasn't how I rehearsed. It was one I had heard frequently in music and enjoyed. I must have grown attached to it.

I expected to be shocked from hearing the voice, but I was more shocked that something I worked at actually came through. I expected the voice to be louder.

I didn't doubt myself. The voice was real. Effortless and fast in its responses, but I had to remain in conversation or I felt that it would go away. After a few days, there was no more voice.

Honestly, I am in denial.

First it is denial. Then I am angry. Then I am at war. Then I want peace, so I leave it all behind me.