99

Saturday, June 30, 2012, 11:21PM

Pardon my rambling:

There is this mental tightrope I have to walk across.  It is one of those 'fine line' kind of things.  We usually go about our daily lives unaware of various psychological laws acting on us.  These are unspoken laws.  I believe we suppress them for good reasons.  If we talk about them, point them out, or experiment with them, we play with fire.  If we find some 'secret truth' that explains our minds and human-human interaction, we never look at the world the same way.  We begin to see people as scripts, actions, and reactions.  Numbers even.  We get an attitude that separates us.  We begin to look for more of this knowledge and later, we say to ourselves... 'I've dug too deep.'

This is how I feel.  This 'knowledge' doesn't make you smarter.  It makes us ask more questions, question known truths, and it takes away the safety we once had in... not ignorance, but the ability to not think everything to death.  It's like being overwhelmed and attacked.  Being too fast to stop or too strong to hold your loved one.

Every day, I am narrating as usual, but I have to not narrate at certain times.  These are times which I believe may hold risk in relating my tulpa to something negative, such as daymares.

1) Have a negative experience.
2) Think of your tulpa.

The above should not be the order of operations.  In the future, this could develop into

1) Think of your tulpa.
2) Think of a negative experience.

The only thing preventing every person in the world thinking like this is mental suppression.  We censor our thoughts for our own safety.  Our brains want to be sane, so they limit themselves.  Slow down the traffic.  Brains ask for permission as much as possible.

In the daily narration grind, I can feel the war waging inside of my head.  It's the same feeling we get as ignorant and blissful children when we realize we don't know what is going on in our parents' lives, the bills they have to pay, the work they have to do and that this very thought is a maturing thought into a darker world, but we brush off the thought in order to stay in happiness.  Maybe it can be described as the rejection of curiosity.

When dealing with mind experiments, I just think to myself that perhaps I've dug too deep.  I am mentally-calloused from my past so much that I frequently yearn to be without the curiosity and appreciation of knowledge I have.  This said, I would still continue with the tulpa project.

Progress:  Narration of personality.

http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/100.html

98

Friday, June 29, 2012, 11:59PM

The anticipation is excruciating.  Hopefully for me more than you.  It's like that feeling of digging for treasure in so many wrong spots that you feel like your chances are getting better.  Then again, I've been wrong before.

Progress: Personality narration at its clumsiest.

http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/06/99.html

97

Thursday, June 28, 2012, 9:31PM

You won't give up, will you?
...
That's not reassuring.
Who gave you this number?

Progress: I hope. 

http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/06/98.html

96

Wednesday, June 28, 2012, 11:59PM

My sleep schedule is messed up...
Nothing happened today...
It is super casual...
Talking to a ghost...
I apologize for the record number of extremely riveting posts.

Progress: Personality narration prisoner.

http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/06/97.html

95

Tuesday, June 26, 2012, 11:38PM

Not much happened today, though I wish I knew nothing much was going to happen for the purpose of savoring it.  As far as the tulpa goes, progress seems to be slow as always.  Conversations (if I can call them that, as they are one-sided) feel strange.  To describe them properly, I would need to do so as it was happening.  What best describes them is the feeling of speaking to a child about important matters and hoping for some intelligent response... or any response.  Yes-- any response would be fine.

Any?

Progress:  Personality narration.

http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/06/96.html

94

Monday, June 25, 2012, 11:42PM

Still narrating...
Me:"It's a nice day to talk to you."
(insert one-sided conversation here)
(insert me being distracted with something here)
repeat three to four times each day

plus: three to four random sentences

equals:
_____________________________________
narration

http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/06/95.html

93

Sunday, June 24, 2012, 11:50PM

This post has nothing to do with tulpae.

 [link]

Stick with it.  What you are feeling right now is chemical/emotional.  You don't want to quit.
Yeah.  Everyone's cheering you on.
You are getting better.  Keep practicing.

Just like musical instruments.
Don't let anything get you down.  Keep your head up high.
We are all as true to ourselves as actors.

 http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/06/94.html

92

Saturday, June 23, 2012, 6:51PM

Still reliving the crash.

Still narrating.

http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/06/93.html

91

Friday, June 22, 2012, 10:36PM

Not much has changed.  Nothing drastic.

Progress:  Personality narration.


http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/06/92.html

90

Thursday, June 21, 2012, 10:46PM

I've gotten to the state that narration is automatic, natural, smooth.  Like everything else, I've passed it onto automatic processes.  I don't know if this is good or bad.  Another day, another fear, right?  It feels good.

I'm smiling, I'm laughing, I shouldn't be.

Progress: Visual foundation established.  Narrating personality.

http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/06/91.html