99

Saturday, June 30, 2012, 11:21PM

Pardon my rambling:

There is this mental tightrope I have to walk across.  It is one of those 'fine line' kind of things.  We usually go about our daily lives unaware of various psychological laws acting on us.  These are unspoken laws.  I believe we suppress them for good reasons.  If we talk about them, point them out, or experiment with them, we play with fire.  If we find some 'secret truth' that explains our minds and human-human interaction, we never look at the world the same way.  We begin to see people as scripts, actions, and reactions.  Numbers even.  We get an attitude that separates us.  We begin to look for more of this knowledge and later, we say to ourselves... 'I've dug too deep.'

This is how I feel.  This 'knowledge' doesn't make you smarter.  It makes us ask more questions, question known truths, and it takes away the safety we once had in... not ignorance, but the ability to not think everything to death.  It's like being overwhelmed and attacked.  Being too fast to stop or too strong to hold your loved one.

Every day, I am narrating as usual, but I have to not narrate at certain times.  These are times which I believe may hold risk in relating my tulpa to something negative, such as daymares.

1) Have a negative experience.
2) Think of your tulpa.

The above should not be the order of operations.  In the future, this could develop into

1) Think of your tulpa.
2) Think of a negative experience.

The only thing preventing every person in the world thinking like this is mental suppression.  We censor our thoughts for our own safety.  Our brains want to be sane, so they limit themselves.  Slow down the traffic.  Brains ask for permission as much as possible.

In the daily narration grind, I can feel the war waging inside of my head.  It's the same feeling we get as ignorant and blissful children when we realize we don't know what is going on in our parents' lives, the bills they have to pay, the work they have to do and that this very thought is a maturing thought into a darker world, but we brush off the thought in order to stay in happiness.  Maybe it can be described as the rejection of curiosity.

When dealing with mind experiments, I just think to myself that perhaps I've dug too deep.  I am mentally-calloused from my past so much that I frequently yearn to be without the curiosity and appreciation of knowledge I have.  This said, I would still continue with the tulpa project.

Progress:  Narration of personality.

http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/100.html