74

Tuesday, June 5, 2012, 11:33PM

Thinking is difficult.  Morality is difficult.  Keep in mind that this is being written by someone who is very sleepy, who is always curious, and who is wrong a lot.

Deep thoughts are probably a side-effect of narration.  Usually, philosophy does not interest me this much.  Life questions that can never be answered.  Asked aloud to someone invisible.  People giving me stares.
Then again, I regret not narrating louder, losing focus, and forgetting about my tulpa.

Dance like you don't care who's watching. Comes to mind.

Pride is probably a side effect of confronting a friend.  Usually, I let people treat me with whatever level of respect they think I deserve.  I am easy-going.  They used to call me Switzerland.  Others called me Quiet Toggle.

If life's all about being yourself, I broke that rule.  I wasn't myself and I tore someone up for being himself.

I managed to find a way to put to use the mental resources I have gathered recently.  A previous broken promise, that psychology professor, and another out-of-character confrontation all lead up to this.  I put a friend on the spot a few hours ago.  I revealed what the mind suppresses.  Opening up reality and allowing a choice.  I put my friend in front of a theoretical mirror and let him see himself (if only to quickly turn his head at the sight and choose the path of suppression once more).  I revealed to him his contribution to my mistrust.  I let him see that he promised something to me and then broke that promise.  I showed him what he thought of morality and he didn't like what he saw.  My second confrontation with someone this year-- I think that's a record.  How rude of me, right?  Who do I think I am?  The first confrontation was early in the morning and I practically sleepwalked to it.  In both confrontations, I did not let fear allow me to hide part of the story.

Aren't you going to mention that you would have daymares fed by the regret of not confronting the first person?

Cycles work on their own.  People bred into a culture must fight against it like a whirlpool in order to stay on the outside, or else be swept into the center and become a prisoner to it.  This culture is all about saving face, beating around the bush, and being polite to the point where people never know their flaws.  Being polite to the point where people are too old to lack the emotional callouses they should have.  For this reason, everything is a touchy subject.  People stay quiet.  The cycle continues.  What I just wrote is taboo.  Those who do not break the taboo sweep themselves and others around them toward the center of the whirlpool.  People stay quiet and continue their daily lives as if nothing is wrong.  It is easy to let the mind suppress and forget as soon as it can.

This is one of the many examples of why the easy thing to do is usually the wrong thing.  It is easy to act on instinct.  It is easier to steal something rather than make it.  Having disciplines is too much hard work.  It is easy to ignore one's conscience until it shrinks and is impossible to pay attention to.  The smaller a value is, the harder it is to grow.  It is not easy to try to feel what others feel.

Progress:  I am at the stage in narration in which I am finding all of the ways NOT to narrate.

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