80

Monday, June 11, 2012, 10:06PM

Narration is spread out in a few serious, one-sided conversations each day.  The plan is to do a power session tonight.  Like I said a while ago, I need to work harder.

I haven't mentioned it because I thought it would be temporary, so I'll mention now that the daymares are getting worse.
Usually, daymares attack me before I sleep, when I am alone, or when I am mentally exhausted, but I've been fighting them off all day.  Usually, they only electrocute me, but there are other effects.  I've had a record amount today, I think.  I feel vulnerable.
You know that feeling of being afraid of heights?  It feels like I am standing on the edge of a cliff right now.  A somewhat ghostly presence.  It is fear so thick that it feels physical.  Toxic.  I have the feeling that someone wants to kill me.  The feeling of separation.  I find that my eyes are wide open and I have to force myself to relax.  I know that it is like poison in my blood and I can't get rid of it slowly.

Edit:
Normal daymare effects:
1) Initial surprise attack
2) Increased heartbeat
3) Irregular breathing
4) Chest pain
5) Sore feeling in heart
6) Fear of the next daymare

Edit:
I believe a series of psychological experiments were performed by electrocuting mice.  One group of mice was electrocuted at regular, predictable intervals.  The control group of mice were electrocuted an equal number of times as the first group, but their electric shocks were randomized.  The first group's stress levels were much smaller than the second group's, who developed ulcers and other adverse effects from extreme stress.  I also believe the first group outlived the second.
In The Dark Knight (movie), the joker says these lines:
"Nobody panics when things go according to plan..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRG1tWQN6e8

Time might be running out, as far as lasting psychological damage goes, so I plan to get my pre-tulpa's personality pumped out before the month is over.  I should feel pressured, but I consider this to be a high priority.

Progress:  Personality narration.  Pre-tulpa has not spoken.

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