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Saturday, June 16, 2012, 11:25PM

This post is mostly not about tulpae.  I know little about the topic, really.  Thank you.

I usually try to make posts as optimistic as possible.  I try a lot of things-- you notice?  I like to make my words interesting.  I like to be so descriptive and truthful that you can't help but know me more than anyone else, yet I leave so much out.

I have all of these thoughts.  I think all the time.  I think so deeply about everything.  Nothing is unimportant when it comes to thinking.  Where am I going with this?

Indescribable.  On the verge.  Supposed.  Those are the phrases that come to mind.  I have this feeling like humans we are supposed to do something besides reproduce or pass on knowledge to the next human in line.  Maybe I'm getting close to something I'm supposed to do.  Here's what it comes down to-- I can think as hard as I want, but I can never think about the right things.  It doesn't matter how deep I dig a well if there's no water under it.

I have this feeling that there is no secret.  Maybe this is all some sick joke.  Maybe in life, there is a rule, 'the harder you try, the harder it gets.'  I have always been seeking that understanding.  That algorithm.  It's like everything's a puzzle.  Maybe there are no rules after all.  Now that's sick-- or is it beautiful?

I've come to the conclusion that life is easy if you let it be.  Maybe it goes along the lines that if 'ignorance is bliss', then you can't see that all odds are against you.

I had an epiphany, but I keep contradicting myself.  Distracting myself.  Found it.

In order to rise above obstacles, we must transcend them.  We must phase off everything.  Forget plans. Forget people.  Forget indulging.  Forgetting is so difficult though!  We need to remember.  We are tied to this need.  You know what we need?  That question cannot be answered.

Wake up. How long did you sleep?  How long were you in the shower?  How long were you eating?  How long were you exercising from guilt of eating?  What slows you down?  What distracts you?  Who wants to spend time with you?  Your schedule is full.  You have successfully done what was easy.  You have successfully managed to create short-term pleasure at the cost of long-term happiness.  You have successfully lost.

Learn how to say no.

My friend casually told me that life was a dream.  It really gets me.

I don't want to lose myself.  That's what I tell myself at first, but maybe that's what I need.  Maybe that's what's been happening all this time.  Am I a hotel for souls?  Each leaving with the memories of time spent?

Progress:  Narrating until I hear.  Trying not to make any huge mistakes.  Playing it cool.

http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/06/86.html