Tuesday, May 8, 2012, 9:35PM
Just got done with my third session today. This one was less than 20 minutes. I did a sort of wonderland, though it was more of a representation of real life struggles. I was digging my tulpa out of a grave, which probably represented me spending less time meditating. Things tend to get in the way ("Life happens.") My tulpa was still alive and I was digging away wet dirt with my hands. My instincts kicked into 'life saver' mode and I really got into the wonderland because all I could think about was what was in front of me (perhaps I should replicate this?). My tulpa said something to me, but by the time I type this, I will have forgotten. It was something along the lines of me not having control-- I was on top of my tulpa while digging, so it was counterproductive, so I took control of the wonderland and floated. When I realized I had control, I stopped digging with my hands and willed the dirt away. Then my roommate turned the light on. Also, I feel concentration sickness. I might have just meditated and described this in full detail just to procrastinate on studying inverse matrices and chemistry.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/05/47.html
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
46
Tuesday, May 8, 2012, 3:54PM
When I finished meditating for the first time this morning, I realized that I can visualize in five minutes what used to take me about thirty, though it is still not as vivid as I want it to be and I cannot focus on the whole image at once. I am still taking small sessions. Sorry to cut off short, but I've got to study for a few finals tomorrow.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/05/462.html
When I finished meditating for the first time this morning, I realized that I can visualize in five minutes what used to take me about thirty, though it is still not as vivid as I want it to be and I cannot focus on the whole image at once. I am still taking small sessions. Sorry to cut off short, but I've got to study for a few finals tomorrow.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/05/462.html
Monday, May 7, 2012
45
Monday, May 7, 2012, 11:06PM
It looks like I couldn't even get a half-hour in today.
(Sorry-- I will be done with the school semester on Wednesday.)
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/05/46.html
It looks like I couldn't even get a half-hour in today.
(Sorry-- I will be done with the school semester on Wednesday.)
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/05/46.html
Sunday, May 6, 2012
44
Sunday, May 6, 2012, 11:38PM
A hectic day. I found out there is something clicking around in my head while running, so think I'll take a break from anything physical for a while. I tend to stretch my back like a cat, so maybe that's it? I have various theories.
I did not meditate much today BUT THAT'S OKAY! I am busy when in college, so I shall not feel bad.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/05/45.html
A hectic day. I found out there is something clicking around in my head while running, so think I'll take a break from anything physical for a while. I tend to stretch my back like a cat, so maybe that's it? I have various theories.
I did not meditate much today BUT THAT'S OKAY! I am busy when in college, so I shall not feel bad.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/05/45.html
Saturday, May 5, 2012
43
Saturday, May 5, 2012, 11:03pm
No breakthroughs as far as meditating goes. I tried to do the whole 'meditate near someone' deal, but it didn't go as well as expected. This means I have to write about something else to compensate for a boring post.
I went to talk with a few people about tulpas and they say that visualizing is easy. I asked if they had to manipulate lines and colors-- I guess that's only me. I feel like I meet resistance. It's like I have to pull at the lines, but they snap back into their original position.
My tulpa, you are half a world away...
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/05/44.html
No breakthroughs as far as meditating goes. I tried to do the whole 'meditate near someone' deal, but it didn't go as well as expected. This means I have to write about something else to compensate for a boring post.
I went to talk with a few people about tulpas and they say that visualizing is easy. I asked if they had to manipulate lines and colors-- I guess that's only me. I feel like I meet resistance. It's like I have to pull at the lines, but they snap back into their original position.
My tulpa, you are half a world away...
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/05/44.html
Friday, May 4, 2012
42
Friday, May 4, 2012, 11:23PM
Summer approaches. I have about a week until I can start meditating for real.
I've been told that if we have positive expectations, then the outcome will probably be positive. It's not in my 'culture' to think that way, though. I tend to think of the good as well as the bad in order to be as scientific, unbiased, and neutral as possible. Since I don't have much to say about the previous meditations (although I am still trying out multiple 20-minute sessions), I will lay out the best-case and worst-case scenario of what I think could be possible as an outcome of this life-changing experiment.
The good:
If all goes well, I will be able to remember my childhood, recite pages of read books, and have a great friend to talk to who knows me like none other. Getting together with other tulpa makers (around 20 years old) in real life.
The bad:
You will probably not ever hear what happens to me, but if I ever just stop blogging all of the sudden... you can use your imagination. Insanity due to restructuring of the brain. Mental torment due to a jerk tulpa. A rush of all of my current mental torments flooding me at the same time. Enlightenment to a level so high that I do something absurd like change personalities for the worse or go insane. I will spend too much time away from real people.
The reality:
In reality, I believe that my tulpa may, if my Theory of Love is correct, decrease the chances of meeting that right romantic someone. Then again, it is not in my 'culture' to appreciate the concept of marriage severing and severing ties with friends, so maybe not.
Supposedly, tulpa arguments are a common, normal part of the relationship.
In reality, I am extremely skeptic about the whole 'I can recite lines from a book'. In reality, I am kind of okay with the risk of tulpa-related erasure in the sense of the optimistic 'my burdens will be taken away'.
Imprisoned... inside this mind... hiding behind the empty smiles.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/05/43.html
Summer approaches. I have about a week until I can start meditating for real.
I've been told that if we have positive expectations, then the outcome will probably be positive. It's not in my 'culture' to think that way, though. I tend to think of the good as well as the bad in order to be as scientific, unbiased, and neutral as possible. Since I don't have much to say about the previous meditations (although I am still trying out multiple 20-minute sessions), I will lay out the best-case and worst-case scenario of what I think could be possible as an outcome of this life-changing experiment.
The good:
If all goes well, I will be able to remember my childhood, recite pages of read books, and have a great friend to talk to who knows me like none other. Getting together with other tulpa makers (around 20 years old) in real life.
The bad:
You will probably not ever hear what happens to me, but if I ever just stop blogging all of the sudden... you can use your imagination. Insanity due to restructuring of the brain. Mental torment due to a jerk tulpa. A rush of all of my current mental torments flooding me at the same time. Enlightenment to a level so high that I do something absurd like change personalities for the worse or go insane. I will spend too much time away from real people.
The reality:
In reality, I believe that my tulpa may, if my Theory of Love is correct, decrease the chances of meeting that right romantic someone. Then again, it is not in my 'culture' to appreciate the concept of marriage severing and severing ties with friends, so maybe not.
Supposedly, tulpa arguments are a common, normal part of the relationship.
In reality, I am extremely skeptic about the whole 'I can recite lines from a book'. In reality, I am kind of okay with the risk of tulpa-related erasure in the sense of the optimistic 'my burdens will be taken away'.
Imprisoned... inside this mind... hiding behind the empty smiles.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/05/43.html
Thursday, May 3, 2012
41
Thursday, May 3, 2012, 11:48PM
I only did a half-hour due to poor planning on my part. I could have meditated in the morning, but I put it off until I was mentally wasted.
It's funny-- right now I am sitting next to someone with photographic memory. I'll get there.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/05/42.html
I only did a half-hour due to poor planning on my part. I could have meditated in the morning, but I put it off until I was mentally wasted.
It's funny-- right now I am sitting next to someone with photographic memory. I'll get there.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/05/42.html
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
40.2
Wednesday, May 2, 2012, 11:18PM
I just got done with an hour of meditation-- this time without reference pictures, earplugs, or headphones.
It went well! I lasted until I got the beginning of concentration sickness. I tried to make a new scene (wonderland, if you will) to mix it up a little. I did not get too creative, though. I walked around in an imaginary body and visited my tulpa, who I still cannot see clearly.
I got a crazy idea today. I thought of a grand finale of sorts in which I would take meditation to the extreme by trying to do it as long as I could (with necessary breaks of course). I'm talking all day-- being in extreme focus for a few hours only to surface-- taking a bite from a peanut butter and jelly sandwich-- then submerging back into meditation. It would be nice to record it as well.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/05/41.html
I just got done with an hour of meditation-- this time without reference pictures, earplugs, or headphones.
It went well! I lasted until I got the beginning of concentration sickness. I tried to make a new scene (wonderland, if you will) to mix it up a little. I did not get too creative, though. I walked around in an imaginary body and visited my tulpa, who I still cannot see clearly.
I got a crazy idea today. I thought of a grand finale of sorts in which I would take meditation to the extreme by trying to do it as long as I could (with necessary breaks of course). I'm talking all day-- being in extreme focus for a few hours only to surface-- taking a bite from a peanut butter and jelly sandwich-- then submerging back into meditation. It would be nice to record it as well.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/05/41.html
40
Wednesday, May 2, 2012, 1:05PM
I would like to point out that even though I am passionately narrow-minded and picky in tulpa creation, I fall out of that mindset.
Here's what I mean: All this time, I have been focusing on basically one 'look' for my tulpa. I might have a phenomenal idea now and again, but I don't stray far away from what I have been focusing on all this time. Part of being unmovable on my tulpa's looks may be because it took such a long time to find the face(s) I wanted to 'steal' or the time I have invested so far. When I do feel like straying, I feel bad because I think being unsatisfied and picky can say a lot about other relationships-- especially with friends and significant others.
"Don't you like me the way I am?"
"If I didn't, I would have changed you already."
The above sounds very shallow.
However, I like to think on both sides of the argument. I will categorize two kinds of changes:
Aesthetic
Personality
I believe that it is okay to change your tulpa's hair color before the tulpa has a personality. Afterwards, it would be sort of like dying someone's hair while they slept. That's just selfish. I would probably ask first.
Personality, however, can get into philosophy. Is it a different tulpa if the creator changes its personality? I believe that memories make up a person. Same experiences = same person.
Basically, respect your tulpa's rights. If your tulpa likes its personality, have a long discussion with him/her about changing it instead of forcing it. I am not a fan of philosophy, as I am science-minded, so I could be wrong.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/05/402.html
I would like to point out that even though I am passionately narrow-minded and picky in tulpa creation, I fall out of that mindset.
Here's what I mean: All this time, I have been focusing on basically one 'look' for my tulpa. I might have a phenomenal idea now and again, but I don't stray far away from what I have been focusing on all this time. Part of being unmovable on my tulpa's looks may be because it took such a long time to find the face(s) I wanted to 'steal' or the time I have invested so far. When I do feel like straying, I feel bad because I think being unsatisfied and picky can say a lot about other relationships-- especially with friends and significant others.
"Don't you like me the way I am?"
"If I didn't, I would have changed you already."
The above sounds very shallow.
However, I like to think on both sides of the argument. I will categorize two kinds of changes:
Aesthetic
Personality
I believe that it is okay to change your tulpa's hair color before the tulpa has a personality. Afterwards, it would be sort of like dying someone's hair while they slept. That's just selfish. I would probably ask first.
Personality, however, can get into philosophy. Is it a different tulpa if the creator changes its personality? I believe that memories make up a person. Same experiences = same person.
Basically, respect your tulpa's rights. If your tulpa likes its personality, have a long discussion with him/her about changing it instead of forcing it. I am not a fan of philosophy, as I am science-minded, so I could be wrong.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/05/402.html
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
39
Tuesday, May 1, 2012, 10:41PM
I started on my tulpa just to get a head start. Give myself a little leeway. If I made mistakes, I wouldn't beat myself up. I never thought I would get this far. I'm gagging. I have tears in my eyes. Dear God.
When people would say, "Imagine this...", I only thought I was seeing the image in my mind. Let me tell you-- I have redefined vivid. I am getting to the point where I don't work my mind-- my mind works for me. I close my eyes and a hundred invisible hands sketch a picture. I stared at it. Just to make sure it was real. I didn't even try. I have always heard that the brain is like a muscle, but this is incredible. Am I easily impressed? I am. This is nothing. I am not even close to my final goal.
Let me give you the rundown of as many variables of the equation as I can:
I am on coffee again. Also, lots of water.
I have not exercised.
I am hungry.
I didn't do much thinking today (napping in class, taking an easy chemistry test... what? Chemistry is easy!)
I have just responded to a stressful summer internship decision with extreme apathy. Even though I had my doubts, I was relieved to find out that one of my old best friends still likes me despite our differences. Clearing this up was like removing a weight from my shoulders. After all of the strangely coincidental (okay, two) resolutions, I am refreshed. I don't have a lot on my mind.
It is raining. I blocked out lightning with blankets to window. The room was dark enough that I could not adjust my eyes.
Music: one hour of MeditativeVisualization. It is in the tulpaforce tumbler blog.
Earplugs under headphones. I have insane hearing, so I can still hear the rain through everything.
I referenced the picture more than I ever have before-- keeping it before me for when I would lose it.
I did what was comfortable. If I had an itch, I scratched it. If my hair got in my face, I blew it away with an expertly-fired puff of air. There was the slight taste of toothpaste in my mouth, so I got up a few minutes in to rinse.
Just before the intense visualization, I analyzed the basic line structure of the figure and applied it by using my eyes to draw it over a real-life reference picture. Close eyes and 'draw' the lines in as few strokes as possible over the (crude, in my case) reference image you are imagining.
If you require additional details or need it explained differently, I check on this blog at least twice a day.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/05/40.html
I started on my tulpa just to get a head start. Give myself a little leeway. If I made mistakes, I wouldn't beat myself up. I never thought I would get this far. I'm gagging. I have tears in my eyes. Dear God.
When people would say, "Imagine this...", I only thought I was seeing the image in my mind. Let me tell you-- I have redefined vivid. I am getting to the point where I don't work my mind-- my mind works for me. I close my eyes and a hundred invisible hands sketch a picture. I stared at it. Just to make sure it was real. I didn't even try. I have always heard that the brain is like a muscle, but this is incredible. Am I easily impressed? I am. This is nothing. I am not even close to my final goal.
Let me give you the rundown of as many variables of the equation as I can:
I am on coffee again. Also, lots of water.
I have not exercised.
I am hungry.
I didn't do much thinking today (napping in class, taking an easy chemistry test... what? Chemistry is easy!)
I have just responded to a stressful summer internship decision with extreme apathy. Even though I had my doubts, I was relieved to find out that one of my old best friends still likes me despite our differences. Clearing this up was like removing a weight from my shoulders. After all of the strangely coincidental (okay, two) resolutions, I am refreshed. I don't have a lot on my mind.
It is raining. I blocked out lightning with blankets to window. The room was dark enough that I could not adjust my eyes.
Music: one hour of MeditativeVisualization. It is in the tulpaforce tumbler blog.
Earplugs under headphones. I have insane hearing, so I can still hear the rain through everything.
I referenced the picture more than I ever have before-- keeping it before me for when I would lose it.
I did what was comfortable. If I had an itch, I scratched it. If my hair got in my face, I blew it away with an expertly-fired puff of air. There was the slight taste of toothpaste in my mouth, so I got up a few minutes in to rinse.
Just before the intense visualization, I analyzed the basic line structure of the figure and applied it by using my eyes to draw it over a real-life reference picture. Close eyes and 'draw' the lines in as few strokes as possible over the (crude, in my case) reference image you are imagining.
If you require additional details or need it explained differently, I check on this blog at least twice a day.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/05/40.html
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