42

Friday, May 4, 2012, 11:23PM

Summer approaches.  I have about a week until I can start meditating for real.

I've been told that if we have positive expectations, then the outcome will probably be positive.  It's not in my 'culture' to think that way, though.  I tend to think of the good as well as the bad in order to be as scientific, unbiased, and neutral as possible.  Since I don't have much to say about the previous meditations (although I am still trying out multiple 20-minute sessions), I will lay out the best-case and worst-case scenario of what I think could be possible as an outcome of this life-changing experiment.

The good:
If all goes well, I will be able to remember my childhood, recite pages of read books, and have a great friend to talk to who knows me like none other.  Getting together with other tulpa makers (around 20 years old) in real life.

The bad:
You will probably not ever hear what happens to me, but if I ever just stop blogging all of the sudden... you can use your imagination.  Insanity due to restructuring of the brain.  Mental torment due to a jerk tulpa.  A rush of all of my current mental torments flooding me at the same time.  Enlightenment to a level so high that I do something absurd like change personalities for the worse or go insane.  I will spend too much time away from real people.

The reality:
In reality, I believe that my tulpa may, if my Theory of Love is correct, decrease the chances of meeting that right romantic someone.  Then again, it is not in my 'culture' to appreciate the concept of marriage severing and severing ties with friends, so maybe not.
Supposedly, tulpa arguments are a common, normal part of the relationship.
In reality, I am extremely skeptic about the whole 'I can recite lines from a book'.  In reality, I am kind of okay with the risk of tulpa-related erasure in the sense of the optimistic 'my burdens will be taken away'. 

Imprisoned... inside this mind... hiding behind the empty smiles.

http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/05/43.html