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Monday, March 26, 2012, 5:07PM

WARNING: This post is very abstract.  Don't feel bad if you don't understand it.
I had some time to think today.  I was thinking of the dangers of this project.  I do not want to lose control of my mind-- more than I already have.  I have these sort of flashbacks of bad memories which I cannot control.  I call them daymares.  I know that if there is a situation in which I could 'lose my mind', then this is it.  I have already decided to push forward until something bad happens, as I do not want to give up the chance of creating something incredible.  If something bad does happen, my flashbacks can either be good for preparing me for what may come or may be the flaw that grows to worsen.

To help counter mental torment, I made a few predictions as to how it could end up if I did lose control.  I have good empathy, so I could imagine how that level of torment might feel.  First, I lowered my mental defenses and increasing the bearable torment I experience daily to something I would panic to.  Panicking to me is, instead of reassuring myself and logically explaining things to myself silently, screaming for the voices to go away publicly.  In the prediction scenario, I could easily see myself having such an episode.

I thought of a solution: I would make myself a respectable person, but not so much that it would get to my head and make me overconfident.  I say 'not too much' because I would like to stay away from extremes as well.  Making myself a respectable person seems logical to me because the mind and body are linked in that if I exercise more, then I will be able to think more clearly.  In the end, I think I will 'be the boss' of my brain.

http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/03/4.html