69

Thursday, May 31, 2012, 10:43PM

Less vocal narration today-- more wonderland and visualization.  I had to bail out of wonderland twice-- the first time because my tulpa said something very out of character.  The second time may have involved speaking about something morbid (or am I confusing this with the first bail?).  I was in wonderland for about an hour, give or take ten minutes.  I was careful not to force my tulpa to do anything, but I lightly influenced facial expressions after some thought.  From then, I simply spoke small talk.
In wonderland, I got distracted by a social dilemma: I am sliding down a leaf slide coiled around a giant tree and there were others behind me.  I don't know who all has joined me (probably tree-dwellers, but I didn't get a good look at them), but there are several and they appear to be 10-15 year-old kids.  Eventually, there is a gap in the leaf slide and it is too far to jump over.  There is a single vine in front of me and I could swing safely to the other side, but that would prevent the others from swinging across.  If I left the vine alone and fell down, only one of the tree-dwellers would live on to make the same decision I made.  I did not recognize this as a reason I should abort wonderland because I was deep in thought.

If you didn't already understand this concept from an earlier post, I have a part of my mind that tries to blacken my thoughts.  I do not like the idea of good thoughts turning bad (who would?) and it is therefore out of character for me to think this way.  A theory I have of why I have a black part of my brain is that it is a survival feature.  I would not be having these thoughts if I lived in a utopia.  As I may have mentioned in previous posts, I am a strategist.  I try to consider the outcomes of situations.

What happened in that wonderland session with the leaf slide was (optimistically) my mind preparing me for a similar situation.  Now that I think of it, it could be a form of 'tough love.'
The reason I went into wonderland in the first place was to try out my experimental technique on vivid visualization.  I described it in a recent post.  Anyway, I didn't get to finish the technique because I was woken out early.

Progress:  Visualization is comfortable now.  I think I have caught up to how well everyone else did when they first started out.  Narration sounds much easier than visualization and is so far without problem.

http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/06/70.html

68

Wednesday, May 30, 2012, 9:07PM

I worked on narration and visualization today.  Personality has a foundation in four traits (kindness, intelligence, peacefulness, and thankfulness).  This foundation was partially designed by me to act as a safety precaution against mental corruption.  I assigned the traits specifically to prevent a sort of attitude that could rise above the limits I do not wish to be passed.  I created a symbol of sorts which represented the personality.  It is inspired by perpetual energy and includes swirling storm clouds, quiet glows of lightning, and rain.  Overall, it gives off a feeling of warmth and the other traits.  As far as I know, this personality-creation method is unique because I am choosing not to subject myself to the influences of other methods. 

Narration took place on a walk around the neighborhood.  It was a one-way conversation about what I should name my tulpa.  Since a few days prior, I am no longer limiting myself to a solitary hour.  I forgot to mention that I am going over two hours each day (and that is rounding down).  Today exceeded three hours.

Progress: In contrast to when I first started, visualization now falls under the category of 'possible'.

http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/05/69.html

67

Tuesday, May 29, 2012, 11:38PM

I'm a little worried here.  I'm not putting hope into anything, but I will assume that the noticeability of my progress will eventually catch up to me.  Eventually.

Tonight felt like a complete waste of time.  This whole project-- I don't know.  I rarely involve myself in simplicity.  This making a tulpa-- it's not something that's easy to do.  I envy people who can do it. 

I don't think I'm serious enough (or am I too serious?).  No.  My life is too full.  Even in the summer, I have plans tomorrow.  So I stress tonight.  From what I've learned, people cannot just get rid of something in their mind.  They must replace.  It works this way with habits, interests, friends, obsessions, and that occasional song that gets stuck in our heads.

What's in my head?

Anger, maybe?  It might be that letter I got.  They didn't hire me.  The interview went better than expected.  I was qualified.  I impressed the man on my right.  What happened next could mean different things to different people.  The man on my left wouldn't even look me in the eyes.  My mind plays it over and over.  I don't know what's going on in his life.  How tired he is.  Who I remind him of.  I don't know.  I have to use my imagination.  All I know is that by not crossing the social barrier by asking him up front, I have added another method of torture for use on myself.  This isn't the worst daymare in the book, but daymares are the only memories that stay.

I don't know how everyone else does it.  They make it look so easy.  I need to get more serious even when tulpae are created lightheartedly by others.

Progress:  It's hard to see where I'm at right now.

http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/05/68.html

66

Monday, May 28, 2012, 11:34AM

I won't be able to make a post on time later today, so I'll make it now.
Today, I will work on creating a general personality.  I have already explained the four traits:
Kindness
Intelligence
Thankfulness
Peace
I want to create a sort of visual representation of it then relate that to the physical appearance of my tulpa.

http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/05/67.html

65

Sunday, May 27, 2012, 10:35PM

Visualizing every now and again to keep the image fresh.  I am still speaking to my tulpa about everyday activities.  I'm not even sure if I am doing it right.  I cannot direct the words to a location, so it feels like I am directing them at myself.
I have that feeling I had in the beginning when I could not visualize.  It leaves me tired in my head.  My head is swarming with thoughts.  It feels like sending a message in a bottle.  What a waste of time.

Making wishes to create you.  Dropping words into a dark well.  How deep is is?  I will just speak into it until I am speaking into words.

http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/05/66.html

64

Saturday, May 26, 2012, 3:07PM

Schedule = messed up.  I am developing my tulpa's personality by narrating and making responses.  With the way things have been going, this is probably the wrong way (assuming there is a wrong way to make a tulpa).  I'll try out the new method at the end of the day.  So far, I've been visualizing in tiny bits all day.

3:33PM
Edit:  As I laid down to nap, I got a flashback of reading that I am NOT supposed to try to parrot answers and that when I get an answer back, I have created a tulpa.  Sorry-- I'm a little messed up.

http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/05/65.html

63

Friday, May 26, 2012, 11:30PM
Evidently, I can only type a title for a new post with a smartphone.  Nothing extreme happened, I don't think, so you didn't miss much.

Progress:  I am beginning personality while making finishing touches to the visual form of my tulpa.

http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/05/64.html

62

Thursday, May 24, 2012, 11:23PM

So...

I did tulpa things today.  I think I've established a good technique, but before I get to that, I've been researching and...

I've been doing it wrong.  I did not read enough guides for it to set in that I am not supposed to be bringing my tulpa into everyday activities until it is sentient.  I hope those few times I dabbled in it don't mess this up too much.

As for the technique:

I am still revising it.  It has something to do with the realistic vs artistic ways of thinking.  I've written the basics, but I would like to keep revising it for several days.  Go easy on this, as I tend to speak abstractly:

Throughout the entire day, I was visualizing while gardening, reading, and soaking up the... shade.  Just about everywhere I would normally hold a conversation with another person, I was visualizing in a way that didn't strain me.  I don't think I've always been able to think about something and read at the same time, but I did then as well.

There are two 'languages' of my brain.  Realistic and artistic.  When I am thinking realistically, I cannot for the life of me jump into meditation and concentrate on any detail of my tulpa.  That's where my painting skills come into play.  I think I can force myself to imagine my tulpa and wonderland as if it were in a dream.  You know when we are in dreams and are not at all put off by the blurriness of how everyone looks?  We would act as if everything was normal even when everything looked like it was painted with watercolor.  We are comfortable in this.

I once posted about how I was blown away at how vivid my visualization had become.  I think I've found a way to replicate it.  My theory is that this vividness is the drastic shift from artistic/unrealistic world to realistic world.  In order for this to work, I would need to be more or less convinced that the artistic thinking is normal.  Then, shortly after I am comfortable, I will make the switch to the realistic view.

Step 1: Constant visualization
Step 2: Become comfortable in visualization knowing that imperfections are normal.
Step 3: You should be relaxed and able to look your tulpa in the face without thinking or concentrating.
Step 4: Change the language of your brain.  Make your tulpa super realistic.  It should be easier.

This may be edited or expanded upon soon.  It doesn't look like it is in a format that can be followed.
Also, I have never successfully had a lucid dream, but I have done other experiments involving this sort of reality toggle.

Results may vary.  See box for details.

http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/05/i-do-not-have-internet-access-please.html

61

Wednesday, May 23, 2012, 11:37PM

I am tired, but proud of my pulsing cranium.  Features which were once hard to visualize are now easily seen in my mind's eye.  I think I finally figured out a shortcut, too.  A technique which I will test again tomorrow to verify.

Progress:  Tulpa is (today) easily visualized in my mind for multiple 'frames'.  I am experimenting with animating it a little.

http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/05/62.html

60

Tuesday, May 22, 2012, 11:09PM

Visualization is much clearer today.  Maybe it's the coffee and constant visualizing?

Progress:  Facial details less abstract.  Tulpa is still in head, little personality, and I am keeping an ear out for voices I like.

http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/05/61.html