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Thursday, May 31, 2012, 10:43PM

Less vocal narration today-- more wonderland and visualization.  I had to bail out of wonderland twice-- the first time because my tulpa said something very out of character.  The second time may have involved speaking about something morbid (or am I confusing this with the first bail?).  I was in wonderland for about an hour, give or take ten minutes.  I was careful not to force my tulpa to do anything, but I lightly influenced facial expressions after some thought.  From then, I simply spoke small talk.
In wonderland, I got distracted by a social dilemma: I am sliding down a leaf slide coiled around a giant tree and there were others behind me.  I don't know who all has joined me (probably tree-dwellers, but I didn't get a good look at them), but there are several and they appear to be 10-15 year-old kids.  Eventually, there is a gap in the leaf slide and it is too far to jump over.  There is a single vine in front of me and I could swing safely to the other side, but that would prevent the others from swinging across.  If I left the vine alone and fell down, only one of the tree-dwellers would live on to make the same decision I made.  I did not recognize this as a reason I should abort wonderland because I was deep in thought.

If you didn't already understand this concept from an earlier post, I have a part of my mind that tries to blacken my thoughts.  I do not like the idea of good thoughts turning bad (who would?) and it is therefore out of character for me to think this way.  A theory I have of why I have a black part of my brain is that it is a survival feature.  I would not be having these thoughts if I lived in a utopia.  As I may have mentioned in previous posts, I am a strategist.  I try to consider the outcomes of situations.

What happened in that wonderland session with the leaf slide was (optimistically) my mind preparing me for a similar situation.  Now that I think of it, it could be a form of 'tough love.'
The reason I went into wonderland in the first place was to try out my experimental technique on vivid visualization.  I described it in a recent post.  Anyway, I didn't get to finish the technique because I was woken out early.

Progress:  Visualization is comfortable now.  I think I have caught up to how well everyone else did when they first started out.  Narration sounds much easier than visualization and is so far without problem.

http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/06/70.html