128

Sunday, July 29, 2012, 9:29PM

I made it a point to meditate and narrate today more than usual. I had at least two sessions. They both started out awkward because I don't exactly have a lot to talk about at first. I don't like starting conversations with myself as the topic. I try not to make myself sound too important, but it is hard not to start a sentence with the letter I or make an opinional sentence sound like a fact. Maybe I am thinking too hard about all of this.

But let's not get off topic...

The sessions did not last more than twenty minutes each. I am losing momentum or something. Also, if I talk long enough, I tend to spill my guts out. Tulpae are caring, right? You care about you, right? I hate to be one of those philosophers who asks annoying questions in an attempt at finding answers, but...

What? Did you expect a thought-provoking question here?

Perhaps I mentioned before that I am losing motivation. If I didn't mention it before, you can rationalize two things. First, I am losing motivation. Second, I don't really know a whole lot about my own blog. In fact, whenever I read it, it sounds like I am reading about a close friend or someone in the news. I even have points where I feel denial that I am even making a tulpa, all the while frequently narrating throughout the same day.

This blog is mostly...

I am selfish. This blog is mostly for me to look back on and learn something about what I was like in my past. No one who makes a tulpa becomes a celebrity because of it. That's fine. I don't want fame. I just want simplicity, but my theory is that in order to gain simplicity without starting out with it, one must get ahead via strategic complications.
I am an introvert and I don't plan on complicating my future life any more than it already looks. Right now, my thought process is everywhere. For example, half the time, I leave typing to automatic processes while I focus my mental resources on strategies for how to cover topics efficiently. I don't even understand it, but I may as well type something I don't understand down and know that I will one day look back on something and make sense out of it. The point is, that I don't think many people analyze underlying mental processes much as I do. It is not only my mental processes which are being studied either.

Ahh, the thrill of decoding humanity-- treating them like logical puzzles instead of emotional creatures.

You think I don't have regrets for how I see things? I regret everything until I am nothing but wide eyed and heavy-hearted. I regret like I was born to.
You don't believe me? Go through my letters and tally up all the sentences that simply begin with I.  If I reference you, I am referencing to my future self (myself), so that counts as well. Look back a few sentences and notice the invisible: "(You) go through my letters...". That counts as well. If I use the word me, that counts as well. I hope that by the time you read this again, you have recovered or you don't understand what I am talking about.

Returning to our subject on tulpa creation...

I knew this would be a long process when I began. At first, taking it slow sounded like a good idea. When my more-- abnormal-- characteristics sneaked their way on stage, I was tempted in rushing the process.  I was both impatient and afraid. I am sorry if I got your hopes up. I apologize for gambling-- creating false confidence and promising optimism at the expense of being realistic.

I was originally going to speak with you about a taboo: the placebo effect. It will have to tie in later, though you can look at posts with this in perspective if you haven't been already.

1. I'm not getting any alien feeling, am I doing something wrong?

   No, you're not doing anything wrong. Some people don't get a feeling right off that what they're doing is paying off. I didn't get one, nor did I see any results until my first tulpa was showing signs of sentience. The feeling really doesn't mean much, I don't think it's a good indicator for anything because not everyone has it. In short, don't sweat it.
   http://tulpa.info/guides/frequently-asked-questions.html#sec-2-4
   Edit: I stumbled upon this and it seems to fit.

Progres: No speech.

http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/129.html