Wednesday, August 1, 2012, 2:08AM
I just remembered something relevant to the placebo post a while back. It is dangerous. If you dabble in this stuff, you will start to apply it to other areas of your life, such as happiness. If you ever get in a deep depression in life, you might try to get out of it by faking happiness, only to face the truth and plunge into depression again, but when you emerge, you may never be completely certain if the happiness you feel is real or not.
But don't let that stop you from fighting the good fight. To all people, their own strategy.
Progress: No speech. Listening and narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/08/1312.html
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
130
Tuesday, July 31, 2012, 10:17PM
Nothing was prepared for today's post, so today's post simply keeps the record going and keeps all (ten to twenty?) of you in anticipation for updates.
Progress: No speech.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/131.html
Nothing was prepared for today's post, so today's post simply keeps the record going and keeps all (ten to twenty?) of you in anticipation for updates.
Progress: No speech.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/131.html
Monday, July 30, 2012
129
Monday, July 30, 2012, 9:25PM
I was going to talk about the placebo effect, wasn't I? The placebo effect is the bane to all psychological theories, but it can also be manipulated. You know what I mean, right? We know that if a result is expected, then we can basically create that result. It's fake progress, but it's progress.
Trick Placebo
Let's assume that 90% of all people believe that Scar-Be-Gone, my made-up (as far as I know) and self-explanatory skin cream, notice an improvement in their skin quality. Why? The active ingredients include the the hope that you take good care of your skin in the applied areas, the time it takes for your natural processes to heal a scar, and the product name. Mostly the product name. You will look in the mirror and smile because your eyes see what you want them to see (and we aren't even branding a belief into our subconscious on purpose, like we do with tulpae). You are sure the product is working, so you walk out the door with a smile on your face, lower stress, and it is contagious. Everyone is smiling because you are smiling. You get a complement on how good you look and you are sure they aren't focusing on your scar.
What does this have to do with tulpae? I touched on it a little in the example, but I'll delve deeper into it here. Sometimes we want a placebo effect and sometimes we don't. Here's something interesting, the miracle placebo.
Miracle Placebo
Scar-Be-Gone. You use it. You believe in it. It works... because it is increasing the elastin and protein quality of your skin. Your microcirculation is also becoming that of a healthy child. What just happened? Scar-Be-Gone happened without any physical active ingredients. For some unexplainable reason, your body made the repairs. Yes, psychology is mysterious. Faith is mysterious. There may be an official name for it somewhere, but I'll call it the miracle placebo.
This is not what I want to happen when I create a tulpa. When I create a tulpa, I want there to be belief, yes. I want to fool my brain, yes. I don't want to, along the way, believe that my parroting is actually my tulpa. I am also wary enough of the placebo effect that I am worried that I will disregard signs of progress. Let's manipulate the placebo law to our advantage, shall we? Let's make a miracle placebo. When we see monks or spiritual masters, we don't see them as having comfortable lives. They put themselves through mind-wracking situations in order to strengthen their minds. Kill bad brain cells? Make better neuron connections? Drive out other thoughts? I don't know. One theory I have is that they wear themselves down so that they can be subjected to influence (placebos). Of course they will have visions if they starve themselves in pitch-black caves. They take from their visions enlightenment and achieve progress.
Where was I going with this?
Nowhere, really. It's not like me to do anything but think. I was thinking that I might also be able to apply this concept to remembering things, but then I would create for myself a fake past, which won't go well. Faking photographic memory will cause me to hallucinate (see Don Quijote). I've already tried faking the time in between daymares before (somewhat*) by telling myself how great is was that those days were over. We both know how that turned out (for those who think I am talking to myself, I am talking to the future me who will read this later).
*I actually thought it had been a while because I have a skewed concept of time due to forgetting. I was extremely social at the time, so I wore myself out enough for the 'long time' since my last daymare to be partially true at least. I was congratulating myself, in a way, by being relieved that things were finally settling down. I guess I warped the saying, "It gets worse before it gets better."
Progress: No speech. Narrating. Listening.
I was going to talk about the placebo effect, wasn't I? The placebo effect is the bane to all psychological theories, but it can also be manipulated. You know what I mean, right? We know that if a result is expected, then we can basically create that result. It's fake progress, but it's progress.
Trick Placebo
Let's assume that 90% of all people believe that Scar-Be-Gone, my made-up (as far as I know) and self-explanatory skin cream, notice an improvement in their skin quality. Why? The active ingredients include the the hope that you take good care of your skin in the applied areas, the time it takes for your natural processes to heal a scar, and the product name. Mostly the product name. You will look in the mirror and smile because your eyes see what you want them to see (and we aren't even branding a belief into our subconscious on purpose, like we do with tulpae). You are sure the product is working, so you walk out the door with a smile on your face, lower stress, and it is contagious. Everyone is smiling because you are smiling. You get a complement on how good you look and you are sure they aren't focusing on your scar.
What does this have to do with tulpae? I touched on it a little in the example, but I'll delve deeper into it here. Sometimes we want a placebo effect and sometimes we don't. Here's something interesting, the miracle placebo.
Miracle Placebo
Scar-Be-Gone. You use it. You believe in it. It works... because it is increasing the elastin and protein quality of your skin. Your microcirculation is also becoming that of a healthy child. What just happened? Scar-Be-Gone happened without any physical active ingredients. For some unexplainable reason, your body made the repairs. Yes, psychology is mysterious. Faith is mysterious. There may be an official name for it somewhere, but I'll call it the miracle placebo.
This is not what I want to happen when I create a tulpa. When I create a tulpa, I want there to be belief, yes. I want to fool my brain, yes. I don't want to, along the way, believe that my parroting is actually my tulpa. I am also wary enough of the placebo effect that I am worried that I will disregard signs of progress. Let's manipulate the placebo law to our advantage, shall we? Let's make a miracle placebo. When we see monks or spiritual masters, we don't see them as having comfortable lives. They put themselves through mind-wracking situations in order to strengthen their minds. Kill bad brain cells? Make better neuron connections? Drive out other thoughts? I don't know. One theory I have is that they wear themselves down so that they can be subjected to influence (placebos). Of course they will have visions if they starve themselves in pitch-black caves. They take from their visions enlightenment and achieve progress.
Where was I going with this?
Nowhere, really. It's not like me to do anything but think. I was thinking that I might also be able to apply this concept to remembering things, but then I would create for myself a fake past, which won't go well. Faking photographic memory will cause me to hallucinate (see Don Quijote). I've already tried faking the time in between daymares before (somewhat*) by telling myself how great is was that those days were over. We both know how that turned out (for those who think I am talking to myself, I am talking to the future me who will read this later).
*I actually thought it had been a while because I have a skewed concept of time due to forgetting. I was extremely social at the time, so I wore myself out enough for the 'long time' since my last daymare to be partially true at least. I was congratulating myself, in a way, by being relieved that things were finally settling down. I guess I warped the saying, "It gets worse before it gets better."
Progress: No speech. Narrating. Listening.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
128
Sunday, July 29, 2012, 9:29PM
I made it a point to meditate and narrate today more than usual. I had at least two sessions. They both started out awkward because I don't exactly have a lot to talk about at first. I don't like starting conversations with myself as the topic. I try not to make myself sound too important, but it is hard not to start a sentence with the letter I or make an opinional sentence sound like a fact. Maybe I am thinking too hard about all of this.
But let's not get off topic...
The sessions did not last more than twenty minutes each. I am losing momentum or something. Also, if I talk long enough, I tend to spill my guts out. Tulpae are caring, right? You care about you, right? I hate to be one of those philosophers who asks annoying questions in an attempt at finding answers, but...
What? Did you expect a thought-provoking question here?
Perhaps I mentioned before that I am losing motivation. If I didn't mention it before, you can rationalize two things. First, I am losing motivation. Second, I don't really know a whole lot about my own blog. In fact, whenever I read it, it sounds like I am reading about a close friend or someone in the news. I even have points where I feel denial that I am even making a tulpa, all the while frequently narrating throughout the same day.
This blog is mostly...
I am selfish. This blog is mostly for me to look back on and learn something about what I was like in my past. No one who makes a tulpa becomes a celebrity because of it. That's fine. I don't want fame. I just want simplicity, but my theory is that in order to gain simplicity without starting out with it, one must get ahead via strategic complications.
I am an introvert and I don't plan on complicating my future life any more than it already looks. Right now, my thought process is everywhere. For example, half the time, I leave typing to automatic processes while I focus my mental resources on strategies for how to cover topics efficiently. I don't even understand it, but I may as well type something I don't understand down and know that I will one day look back on something and make sense out of it. The point is, that I don't think many people analyze underlying mental processes much as I do. It is not only my mental processes which are being studied either.
Ahh, the thrill of decoding humanity-- treating them like logical puzzles instead of emotional creatures.
You think I don't have regrets for how I see things? I regret everything until I am nothing but wide eyed and heavy-hearted. I regret like I was born to.
You don't believe me? Go through my letters and tally up all the sentences that simply begin with I. If I reference you, I am referencing to my future self (myself), so that counts as well. Look back a few sentences and notice the invisible: "(You) go through my letters...". That counts as well. If I use the word me, that counts as well. I hope that by the time you read this again, you have recovered or you don't understand what I am talking about.
Returning to our subject on tulpa creation...
I knew this would be a long process when I began. At first, taking it slow sounded like a good idea. When my more-- abnormal-- characteristics sneaked their way on stage, I was tempted in rushing the process. I was both impatient and afraid. I am sorry if I got your hopes up. I apologize for gambling-- creating false confidence and promising optimism at the expense of being realistic.
I was originally going to speak with you about a taboo: the placebo effect. It will have to tie in later, though you can look at posts with this in perspective if you haven't been already.
Progres: No speech.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/129.html
I made it a point to meditate and narrate today more than usual. I had at least two sessions. They both started out awkward because I don't exactly have a lot to talk about at first. I don't like starting conversations with myself as the topic. I try not to make myself sound too important, but it is hard not to start a sentence with the letter I or make an opinional sentence sound like a fact. Maybe I am thinking too hard about all of this.
But let's not get off topic...
The sessions did not last more than twenty minutes each. I am losing momentum or something. Also, if I talk long enough, I tend to spill my guts out. Tulpae are caring, right? You care about you, right? I hate to be one of those philosophers who asks annoying questions in an attempt at finding answers, but...
What? Did you expect a thought-provoking question here?
Perhaps I mentioned before that I am losing motivation. If I didn't mention it before, you can rationalize two things. First, I am losing motivation. Second, I don't really know a whole lot about my own blog. In fact, whenever I read it, it sounds like I am reading about a close friend or someone in the news. I even have points where I feel denial that I am even making a tulpa, all the while frequently narrating throughout the same day.
This blog is mostly...
I am selfish. This blog is mostly for me to look back on and learn something about what I was like in my past. No one who makes a tulpa becomes a celebrity because of it. That's fine. I don't want fame. I just want simplicity, but my theory is that in order to gain simplicity without starting out with it, one must get ahead via strategic complications.
I am an introvert and I don't plan on complicating my future life any more than it already looks. Right now, my thought process is everywhere. For example, half the time, I leave typing to automatic processes while I focus my mental resources on strategies for how to cover topics efficiently. I don't even understand it, but I may as well type something I don't understand down and know that I will one day look back on something and make sense out of it. The point is, that I don't think many people analyze underlying mental processes much as I do. It is not only my mental processes which are being studied either.
Ahh, the thrill of decoding humanity-- treating them like logical puzzles instead of emotional creatures.
You think I don't have regrets for how I see things? I regret everything until I am nothing but wide eyed and heavy-hearted. I regret like I was born to.
You don't believe me? Go through my letters and tally up all the sentences that simply begin with I. If I reference you, I am referencing to my future self (myself), so that counts as well. Look back a few sentences and notice the invisible: "(You) go through my letters...". That counts as well. If I use the word me, that counts as well. I hope that by the time you read this again, you have recovered or you don't understand what I am talking about.
Returning to our subject on tulpa creation...
I knew this would be a long process when I began. At first, taking it slow sounded like a good idea. When my more-- abnormal-- characteristics sneaked their way on stage, I was tempted in rushing the process. I was both impatient and afraid. I am sorry if I got your hopes up. I apologize for gambling-- creating false confidence and promising optimism at the expense of being realistic.
I was originally going to speak with you about a taboo: the placebo effect. It will have to tie in later, though you can look at posts with this in perspective if you haven't been already.
I'm not getting any
No, you're not doing anything wrong. Some people don't get a feeling right off that what they're doing is paying off. I didn't get one, nor did I see any results until my first tulpa was showing signs of sentience. The feeling really doesn't mean much, I don't think it's a good indicator for anything because not everyone has it. In short, don't sweat it.alien feeling
, am I doing something wrong?
http://tulpa.info/guides/frequently-asked-questions.html#sec-2-4
Edit: I stumbled upon this and it seems to fit.
Progres: No speech.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/129.html
Saturday, July 28, 2012
127
Saturday, July 28, 2012, 11:06PM
Even though I narrate frequently throughout the day, it is a bit exhausting. It isn't very rewarding, either, which sort of saps the energy out of me. Every once in a while, I think I receive a 'clue' that I am getting closer to my goal. I've occasionally received head pressure, but I'm not convinced it is due to progress because it happens so infrequently. Don't get me wrong-- there is a good chance it has something to do with what I've been doing to my brain lately. I'm not prone to random aches, pains, or anything. I don't ever get headaches.
Going along with what I said about clues, my subconscious has been influencing me more, I think. What happened today that would be a good example for this?
I will see a word out of the corner of my eye, without being able to read it, then I will know how to spell it even though it is not an English word.
The days have been blending together (or over each other?) lately. Also, I am a bit frustrated. I feel blind. I wish I could relax. I wish for obvious, consistent, signs of progress.
Also, I think I feel closer to my tulpa when I am hungry. Am I the only one?
Progress: Narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/128.html
Even though I narrate frequently throughout the day, it is a bit exhausting. It isn't very rewarding, either, which sort of saps the energy out of me. Every once in a while, I think I receive a 'clue' that I am getting closer to my goal. I've occasionally received head pressure, but I'm not convinced it is due to progress because it happens so infrequently. Don't get me wrong-- there is a good chance it has something to do with what I've been doing to my brain lately. I'm not prone to random aches, pains, or anything. I don't ever get headaches.
Going along with what I said about clues, my subconscious has been influencing me more, I think. What happened today that would be a good example for this?
I will see a word out of the corner of my eye, without being able to read it, then I will know how to spell it even though it is not an English word.
The days have been blending together (or over each other?) lately. Also, I am a bit frustrated. I feel blind. I wish I could relax. I wish for obvious, consistent, signs of progress.
Also, I think I feel closer to my tulpa when I am hungry. Am I the only one?
Progress: Narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/128.html
Friday, July 27, 2012
126
Friday, July 27, 2012, 11:01PM
Nothing happened today except daydreaming.
Progress: Narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/127.html
Nothing happened today except daydreaming.
Progress: Narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/127.html
Thursday, July 26, 2012
125.2
Thursday, July 26, 2012, 9:27PM
Has anyone else ever felt a slight tickle in their head? It might have not been strong enough to be worthy of the title "tickle", but it didn't feel bad and it was in my head. It occurred when I closed my eyes and had a small narration while sitting. It was strong enough to become the focus of sensations in my whole body. Other people get pressure and headaches. I have never heard of this before.
Progress: Narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/126.html
Has anyone else ever felt a slight tickle in their head? It might have not been strong enough to be worthy of the title "tickle", but it didn't feel bad and it was in my head. It occurred when I closed my eyes and had a small narration while sitting. It was strong enough to become the focus of sensations in my whole body. Other people get pressure and headaches. I have never heard of this before.
Progress: Narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/126.html
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
125
Thursday, July 26, 2012, 12:50AM
I just wanted to mention that I still can't get over seeing images in my head. Still lines. Colors. The last image I saw had blue. It was a blue wolf. Wolves aren't blue, so this brings me to my next point. I may be seeing things that someone else wants to see. I didn't try to think of a blue wolf. It shares no connection with anything in my life or I would have had a memory trigger. Now that I mention it, it had wings for a bit as well, but the moral of this story still remains.
What if my tulpa is thinking of these things? I have been focusing on communication through speech, but what if my tulpa is trying to communicate in different ways? I would take anything right now. I am not going to put "maybe communication" in the progress for now because I am not gathering any information from the new images.
Progress: No speech.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/1252.html
I just wanted to mention that I still can't get over seeing images in my head. Still lines. Colors. The last image I saw had blue. It was a blue wolf. Wolves aren't blue, so this brings me to my next point. I may be seeing things that someone else wants to see. I didn't try to think of a blue wolf. It shares no connection with anything in my life or I would have had a memory trigger. Now that I mention it, it had wings for a bit as well, but the moral of this story still remains.
What if my tulpa is thinking of these things? I have been focusing on communication through speech, but what if my tulpa is trying to communicate in different ways? I would take anything right now. I am not going to put "maybe communication" in the progress for now because I am not gathering any information from the new images.
Progress: No speech.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/1252.html
124
Wednesday, July 25, 2012, 10:58PM
I'm not sure what to say. Oh. I can officially say my blog has thousands of views. Also, I am in a dead zone with narrating and I hope to be over with it. Maybe I'm burnt out. I don't know.
Progress: No speech yet.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/125.html
I'm not sure what to say. Oh. I can officially say my blog has thousands of views. Also, I am in a dead zone with narrating and I hope to be over with it. Maybe I'm burnt out. I don't know.
Progress: No speech yet.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/125.html
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
123
Tuesday, July 24, 2012, 10:05PM
Today (or was it last night?) I sincerely lost the hopeful feelings I had about all of this. I remember that the idea of creating a tulpa seemed completely possible for me, but now it feels like I'm narrating to no one. On the bright side, this may mean that what I was doing was working. I am feeling better already.
Progress: Narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/124.html
Today (or was it last night?) I sincerely lost the hopeful feelings I had about all of this. I remember that the idea of creating a tulpa seemed completely possible for me, but now it feels like I'm narrating to no one. On the bright side, this may mean that what I was doing was working. I am feeling better already.
Progress: Narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/124.html
Monday, July 23, 2012
122
Monday, July 23, 2012, 10:41PM
Tulpa:
Not a whole lot of tulpa today, but today is busy (until I can narrate at 12AM). I planned on narrating today at noon, but I was tired... again.
Sleep:
I am sleeping a lot more, but I'm more tired. I sleep for about seven hours at night (1AM to 8AM) and an additional three hours during the day (1PM to 4PM).
Progress: No speech. Narrating personality.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/123.html
Tulpa:
Not a whole lot of tulpa today, but today is busy (until I can narrate at 12AM). I planned on narrating today at noon, but I was tired... again.
Sleep:
I am sleeping a lot more, but I'm more tired. I sleep for about seven hours at night (1AM to 8AM) and an additional three hours during the day (1PM to 4PM).
Progress: No speech. Narrating personality.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/123.html
Sunday, July 22, 2012
121
Sunday, July 22, 2012, 11:39PM
My tulpa is not speaking, but that's normal. I've been very busy lately, but not too busy to narrate in my head while in public. I also narrate aloud while driving. Along with the end-night session, it comes together.
Not tulpa-related:
I've been pondering life a bit, which is odd because I'm mentally exhausted. I've been thinking about a concept for a day or two so much that I figured I would put it down somewhere that wouldn't get lost. Actually, that's basically what Wintrovert is. It didn't start as anything more than that little voice in my head telling me I should just do something, but now I can use the site as a reference for thoughts that score higher in "sounds important" than "has practical use." I'm exhausted, but I'll try to get back on track.
This thought I was pondering, I was thinking that it must be important if it can be applied to every human case. I just want to make sense out of things.
Oh, by the way, this is how every person ticks:
I wish I could say that this is some phenomenal world truth, but let's just keep it as a humble life lesson which might be applied to people like me.
To say we have lived a fulfilled life, we must complete goals to increase our self-worth.
Some of these goals might be interests.
Interests fall into the category of skills, which can be sharpened with practice in an ideal world.
There are two types of interests: Gamble and ideal.
Gamble interests are interests that have no guaranteed 'skill-sharpening' mechanic. The mascot I will use for gamble interests is an inventor. Even after a lifetime of experimentation, the inventor might not have anything to show.
Ideal interests are interests that have a basic 'you get better at it' mechanic. Those who work hard, practice, or strategize efficiently will reap rewards.
I don't know where I was going with this. Don't I usually tie in tulpa or...
No. I think I just wanted to allow future-me to read this.
Yeah?
I saw an odd man with a carved branch (walking stick) talking to a cop this morning. A half-hour later, I was walking by this man. He was talking to himself. As I walked alongside him (it's what I do), his conversation merged to include me. His voice was shaky. He turned his left pocket inside-out and grabbed a pathetic handful of bills and change. He said it was all he had to his name. He said he would sell his hand-carved walking stick for two dollars. Keep in mind that it is a brilliant tactic to ask someone for two dollars. Asking for a specific amount of money is proven to work better than asking for money in general. I was already planning on paying him a five before he began his explanation on how long it took for him to carve it. Also, remember that in order to carve a walking stick, you must have a knife (not to mention he had a trimmed beard). Before I could walk away, he asked for another dollar from me. He told me it would be for booze. No mentally-ill man on the streets with a few dollars to his name would take a simple 'no' for an answer. Keep in mind that it is extremely threatening for a man in his position to break trust. Social protocol does not safely allow the additional appending of negative material onto an accepted contract. It was a safe hook for fine print, where if I was shown to be kind enough, he would ask for more. I told him that this world isn't like that. I told him something along the lines of the above and cautiously walked away. I was halfway to the next block when he shouted a thank you.
This story ties back into the daymare family. Usually, when I get involved with someone whose life is broken, I can empathize with them to the point where I feel how they feel based off of my past experiences and my imagination. So far, I haven't had any flashbacks where I relive the scenario or any daymares that force me to feel how he feels. 'He was lonely' sums up my psychoanalysis. That was all I gathered.
Also, this isn't helping me regain my trust in people. It only justifies my eccentric interests in social hypnosis, human studies, and psychology.
Progress: No speech. Personality narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/122.html
My tulpa is not speaking, but that's normal. I've been very busy lately, but not too busy to narrate in my head while in public. I also narrate aloud while driving. Along with the end-night session, it comes together.
Not tulpa-related:
I've been pondering life a bit, which is odd because I'm mentally exhausted. I've been thinking about a concept for a day or two so much that I figured I would put it down somewhere that wouldn't get lost. Actually, that's basically what Wintrovert is. It didn't start as anything more than that little voice in my head telling me I should just do something, but now I can use the site as a reference for thoughts that score higher in "sounds important" than "has practical use." I'm exhausted, but I'll try to get back on track.
This thought I was pondering, I was thinking that it must be important if it can be applied to every human case. I just want to make sense out of things.
Oh, by the way, this is how every person ticks:
I wish I could say that this is some phenomenal world truth, but let's just keep it as a humble life lesson which might be applied to people like me.
To say we have lived a fulfilled life, we must complete goals to increase our self-worth.
Some of these goals might be interests.
Interests fall into the category of skills, which can be sharpened with practice in an ideal world.
There are two types of interests: Gamble and ideal.
Gamble interests are interests that have no guaranteed 'skill-sharpening' mechanic. The mascot I will use for gamble interests is an inventor. Even after a lifetime of experimentation, the inventor might not have anything to show.
Ideal interests are interests that have a basic 'you get better at it' mechanic. Those who work hard, practice, or strategize efficiently will reap rewards.
I don't know where I was going with this. Don't I usually tie in tulpa or...
No. I think I just wanted to allow future-me to read this.
Yeah?
I saw an odd man with a carved branch (walking stick) talking to a cop this morning. A half-hour later, I was walking by this man. He was talking to himself. As I walked alongside him (it's what I do), his conversation merged to include me. His voice was shaky. He turned his left pocket inside-out and grabbed a pathetic handful of bills and change. He said it was all he had to his name. He said he would sell his hand-carved walking stick for two dollars. Keep in mind that it is a brilliant tactic to ask someone for two dollars. Asking for a specific amount of money is proven to work better than asking for money in general. I was already planning on paying him a five before he began his explanation on how long it took for him to carve it. Also, remember that in order to carve a walking stick, you must have a knife (not to mention he had a trimmed beard). Before I could walk away, he asked for another dollar from me. He told me it would be for booze. No mentally-ill man on the streets with a few dollars to his name would take a simple 'no' for an answer. Keep in mind that it is extremely threatening for a man in his position to break trust. Social protocol does not safely allow the additional appending of negative material onto an accepted contract. It was a safe hook for fine print, where if I was shown to be kind enough, he would ask for more. I told him that this world isn't like that. I told him something along the lines of the above and cautiously walked away. I was halfway to the next block when he shouted a thank you.
This story ties back into the daymare family. Usually, when I get involved with someone whose life is broken, I can empathize with them to the point where I feel how they feel based off of my past experiences and my imagination. So far, I haven't had any flashbacks where I relive the scenario or any daymares that force me to feel how he feels. 'He was lonely' sums up my psychoanalysis. That was all I gathered.
Also, this isn't helping me regain my trust in people. It only justifies my eccentric interests in social hypnosis, human studies, and psychology.
Progress: No speech. Personality narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/122.html
Saturday, July 21, 2012
120
Saturday, July 21, 2012, 11:06PM
Narrated all the waking day, but in small, infrequent bursts. I am about to go for the long session. I expect tomorrow to be similar, but probably more stressful if I don't sleep tonight. Wish me luck as I continue to live life in hard mode.
The events today reminded me of my life as it was a few years ago: I slept where I could, ate unhealthy (and less frequently), and generally suffered. It is that homeless feel, but there is something synthetic about it. Survival will do that to you. It will make you think abnormal is normal. That your skin is supposed to be that cold. It will make you think it is okay to make beds out of the contents of the warmest room. It will wake you up at the slightest noise because you know you aren't supposed to be sleeping where you are. I feel absolutely sick. Every day felt like the first day in a cruel world, but the way I thought proved that I had been playing the game for far too long.
Progress: No speech. Personality narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/121.html
Narrated all the waking day, but in small, infrequent bursts. I am about to go for the long session. I expect tomorrow to be similar, but probably more stressful if I don't sleep tonight. Wish me luck as I continue to live life in hard mode.
The events today reminded me of my life as it was a few years ago: I slept where I could, ate unhealthy (and less frequently), and generally suffered. It is that homeless feel, but there is something synthetic about it. Survival will do that to you. It will make you think abnormal is normal. That your skin is supposed to be that cold. It will make you think it is okay to make beds out of the contents of the warmest room. It will wake you up at the slightest noise because you know you aren't supposed to be sleeping where you are. I feel absolutely sick. Every day felt like the first day in a cruel world, but the way I thought proved that I had been playing the game for far too long.
Progress: No speech. Personality narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/121.html
Friday, July 20, 2012
119
Friday, July 20, 2012, 5:08pm
Tons of narration. Not much else to do.
Progress: No speech... Still narrating.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/saturday-july-21-2012-1106pmnarrated.html
Tons of narration. Not much else to do.
Progress: No speech... Still narrating.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/saturday-july-21-2012-1106pmnarrated.html
Thursday, July 19, 2012
118.2
Thursday, July 19, 2012, 11:52PM
Thinking in pictures is great. It may not be 'thinking in pictures' by the general sense of the phrase, but I think this is the first week of my life that I can think of something, close my eyes, and see it. I may not have a tulpa yet, but I'm impressed and thankful for this accomplishment, small as it may seem.
Progress: No speech. Tulpa narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/119.html
Thinking in pictures is great. It may not be 'thinking in pictures' by the general sense of the phrase, but I think this is the first week of my life that I can think of something, close my eyes, and see it. I may not have a tulpa yet, but I'm impressed and thankful for this accomplishment, small as it may seem.
Progress: No speech. Tulpa narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/119.html
118
Thursday, July 19, 2012, 9:58PM
If you don't use it, you lose it. Got to go.
Progress: No speech. Tulpa narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/1182.html
If you don't use it, you lose it. Got to go.
Progress: No speech. Tulpa narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/1182.html
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
117
Wednesday, July 18, 2012, 11:02PM
I find it humorous that I actually want to feel head pains. Who would want a headache other than a tulpamancer?
Progress: No speech. Personality narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/118.html
I find it humorous that I actually want to feel head pains. Who would want a headache other than a tulpamancer?
Progress: No speech. Personality narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/118.html
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
116
Tuesday, July 17, 2012, 7:47PM
I will still narrate, even though the mood of too much of my narration is worse. The mood can best be described as a form of impatience. It is like a teacher with a very well-behaved student and one who could makes many mistakes. The teacher would think, "Why can't you be like the well-behaved student?" I get the same feeling. I want things to go my way, I notice it, then I try to convince myself that if I want to stop being selfish, then I no longer have that as part of my reason for narrating.
That was probably confusing, but I was typing as quickly as I could think, so I think it was from my heart.
Progress: Personality Narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/117.html
I will still narrate, even though the mood of too much of my narration is worse. The mood can best be described as a form of impatience. It is like a teacher with a very well-behaved student and one who could makes many mistakes. The teacher would think, "Why can't you be like the well-behaved student?" I get the same feeling. I want things to go my way, I notice it, then I try to convince myself that if I want to stop being selfish, then I no longer have that as part of my reason for narrating.
That was probably confusing, but I was typing as quickly as I could think, so I think it was from my heart.
Progress: Personality Narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/117.html
Monday, July 16, 2012
115
Monday, July 16, 2012, 11:21PM
I am a researcher.
Due to poor time management, I have failed to do more than a few sentences of narration. I hardly even kept the presence of a thought alive that I had a pre-tulpa waiting to be brought to life. Luckily, I have time again. Luckily, the night is still young.
See you later (hopefully not too much later).
Progress: Tulpa personality narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/116.html
I am a researcher.
Due to poor time management, I have failed to do more than a few sentences of narration. I hardly even kept the presence of a thought alive that I had a pre-tulpa waiting to be brought to life. Luckily, I have time again. Luckily, the night is still young.
See you later (hopefully not too much later).
Progress: Tulpa personality narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/116.html
Sunday, July 15, 2012
114
Sunday, July 15, 2012, 10:47PM
Still narrating.
Will narrate more before sleep.
That sums up today and every other day. I say, "I'm going to take my tulpa _____ with me." We just had a bike ride. Now I'm worn out and in the mood to just lay around.
Also, very slight lack of motivation on my end. I don't think it's the weather, either.*
*Implying the weather is cloudy. This implies the opinional axiom, "Cloudy weather is bad." with which I completely disagree. I prefer it to sunny days.
Progress: Personality narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/115.html
Still narrating.
Will narrate more before sleep.
That sums up today and every other day. I say, "I'm going to take my tulpa _____ with me." We just had a bike ride. Now I'm worn out and in the mood to just lay around.
Also, very slight lack of motivation on my end. I don't think it's the weather, either.*
*Implying the weather is cloudy. This implies the opinional axiom, "Cloudy weather is bad." with which I completely disagree. I prefer it to sunny days.
Progress: Personality narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/115.html
Saturday, July 14, 2012
113
Saturday, July 14, 2012, 9:51PM
"... that makes sense because you got your dog shortly after we met."
My friend is referring to an event four years ago. I find it interesting whenever someone says something like this. The context of this statement is that I don't know when I got my dog, but someone else does.
My visualization is improving. I meant to say something a few days ago, but I wasn't sure if I should because I didn't know if it would continue. A few days ago, I had a few hours of near-photographic visual memory. Whenever I close my eyes before I sleep, I can't sleep right away because I don't want to give up the ability to see anything I can think of.
Narration was not full-blown today and I am very tired (still).
Also, I typed this down quickly due to excusing myself from a conversation, so I'll cut this short.
Progress: Tulpa narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/114.html
"... that makes sense because you got your dog shortly after we met."
My friend is referring to an event four years ago. I find it interesting whenever someone says something like this. The context of this statement is that I don't know when I got my dog, but someone else does.
My visualization is improving. I meant to say something a few days ago, but I wasn't sure if I should because I didn't know if it would continue. A few days ago, I had a few hours of near-photographic visual memory. Whenever I close my eyes before I sleep, I can't sleep right away because I don't want to give up the ability to see anything I can think of.
Narration was not full-blown today and I am very tired (still).
Also, I typed this down quickly due to excusing myself from a conversation, so I'll cut this short.
Progress: Tulpa narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/114.html
Friday, July 13, 2012
112
Friday, July 13, 2012, 6:16PM
I am very tired again, so I figure this is a good time to post.
Also, I do experiments on occasion. Surprised? Here is one I will try to follow roughly:
http://www.instructables.com/id/Ganzfeld-Hack-Your-Brain-the-Legal-Way/
Basically, I'll try to hear my tulpa via making the radio static cause my brain to hallucinate sounds.
Progress: Personality narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/113_14.html
I am very tired again, so I figure this is a good time to post.
Also, I do experiments on occasion. Surprised? Here is one I will try to follow roughly:
http://www.instructables.com/id/Ganzfeld-Hack-Your-Brain-the-Legal-Way/
Basically, I'll try to hear my tulpa via making the radio static cause my brain to hallucinate sounds.
Progress: Personality narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/113_14.html
Thursday, July 12, 2012
111.2
Thursday, July 12, 2012, 1:55PM
Meditation is going well. I am seeing much more clearly.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/112.html
Meditation is going well. I am seeing much more clearly.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/112.html
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
111
Thursday, July 12, 2012, 1:08AM
I just got back from the 'centering' method from post 110.2 and I have to say, it seems promising. I'll try it again sometime and see if I can get farther.
Clearing my mind was easy, then coyotes started howling. I had to start over. I was too deep on the second try to get startled out of it. I even heard a train go by and didn't react to it. I live right under a plane runway, so I can ignore planes pretty well. Also, I had earplugs in because I anticipated crickets and owls.
The next step was picturing something turning calm. I chose the lake first, but I animated the transformation instantly. I think the point is to transform the subject smoothly and slowly. I switched to the colored ball (red for me) and it worked pretty well. It was hard to make it large like a planet, so I settled with something medium-sized. The reason I chose the planet first was because the background was already black. The medium-sized red ball was shivering. I slowly calmed it down until it was smooth and shiny.
I had already rehearsed this a few times, but I was too excited (and possibly too apart from myself due to meditation) to remember this step at first. I was at a loss of words, as if I had forgotten how to talk. I knew what I wanted to say.
Find... (wait a while)
Tulpa's... (wait a longer while)
Data stream... (close enough, right?)
Then I waited-- trying not to expect a response. Trying to be passive.
I believe I tried this at least two more times, changing the process slightly each time. At least once, I tried to change a rugged trumpet sound into a smooth note. I tried to talk to my (pre)tulpa, asking for a response and general encouragement. I thought this was a good time to introduce myself again. In the tulpa community, people usually get headaches or pressure in the head. I did not have the pleasure of this, but I hope for an insane tulpaforce hangover in the morning so I can see if orange juice really is the cure.
Also, I had to abort a few times due to a surprise image and a daymare brought on by one of the sounds I was trying to create.
Progress: Narration, adjusting dials for tulpa's voice channel.
wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/1112.html
I just got back from the 'centering' method from post 110.2 and I have to say, it seems promising. I'll try it again sometime and see if I can get farther.
Clearing my mind was easy, then coyotes started howling. I had to start over. I was too deep on the second try to get startled out of it. I even heard a train go by and didn't react to it. I live right under a plane runway, so I can ignore planes pretty well. Also, I had earplugs in because I anticipated crickets and owls.
The next step was picturing something turning calm. I chose the lake first, but I animated the transformation instantly. I think the point is to transform the subject smoothly and slowly. I switched to the colored ball (red for me) and it worked pretty well. It was hard to make it large like a planet, so I settled with something medium-sized. The reason I chose the planet first was because the background was already black. The medium-sized red ball was shivering. I slowly calmed it down until it was smooth and shiny.
I had already rehearsed this a few times, but I was too excited (and possibly too apart from myself due to meditation) to remember this step at first. I was at a loss of words, as if I had forgotten how to talk. I knew what I wanted to say.
Find... (wait a while)
Tulpa's... (wait a longer while)
Data stream... (close enough, right?)
Then I waited-- trying not to expect a response. Trying to be passive.
I believe I tried this at least two more times, changing the process slightly each time. At least once, I tried to change a rugged trumpet sound into a smooth note. I tried to talk to my (pre)tulpa, asking for a response and general encouragement. I thought this was a good time to introduce myself again. In the tulpa community, people usually get headaches or pressure in the head. I did not have the pleasure of this, but I hope for an insane tulpaforce hangover in the morning so I can see if orange juice really is the cure.
Also, I had to abort a few times due to a surprise image and a daymare brought on by one of the sounds I was trying to create.
Progress: Narration, adjusting dials for tulpa's voice channel.
wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/1112.html
110.2
Wednesday, July 11, 2012, 11:34PM
There is a lot of hype with a method called 'centering'. It is a strategy I am going to try out tonight for the first time just in case I am blocking out my tulpa's voice. I sort of translated the original post, so it could be inaccurate.
=======================================================================
http://tulpa.info/forums/Thread-Centering-and-Tulpae
CENTERING by ThatOneGuy
This is a method for hearing your tulpa's voice, but can be used for all senses.
You are about to view thoughts passively, instead of being a part of them.
You won't view all of the thought traffic coming from your brain.
That would be too much.
You will only be viewing traffic for your tulpa.
Now that you know what you are in for, let's get started.
1: Clear your mind.
Method:
(insert method here)
2: Figure out what the subconscious 'data stream' feels like.
You will know this feeling once you are in between 'focusing on nothing' and 'focusing on something'.
It is an obvious 'you'll know it when you feel it' feeling.
If done correctly, you should be able to examine thoughts without stifling them with concentration.
Method:
Picture a wavy lake with an island in the middle.
Picture the lake being calmed until reflective.
Method:
Picture a colored ball with an energetic surface.
Calm the surface of said ball.
Method:
Imagine a rough noise calming down until smooth.
Method:
Bring your hand toward your body in a sweeping motion while breathing deeply.
3: Locate the data stream specifically related to your tulpa.
This is the data stream that allows your tulpa to interact with the five senses.
While in the passive state from step 2, briefly think of something pertaining to your tulpa's senses.
Await a response.
Method:
Declare what you are looking for.
"Sense stream for NameOfTulpa."
If this works properly, you should get a foreign response.
To improve, try centering during other activities.
You will be able to go longer durations with practice.
=======================================================================
Progress: Narration, no response.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/111.html
There is a lot of hype with a method called 'centering'. It is a strategy I am going to try out tonight for the first time just in case I am blocking out my tulpa's voice. I sort of translated the original post, so it could be inaccurate.
=======================================================================
http://tulpa.info/forums/Thread-Centering-and-Tulpae
CENTERING by ThatOneGuy
This is a method for hearing your tulpa's voice, but can be used for all senses.
You are about to view thoughts passively, instead of being a part of them.
You won't view all of the thought traffic coming from your brain.
That would be too much.
You will only be viewing traffic for your tulpa.
Now that you know what you are in for, let's get started.
1: Clear your mind.
Method:
(insert method here)
2: Figure out what the subconscious 'data stream' feels like.
You will know this feeling once you are in between 'focusing on nothing' and 'focusing on something'.
It is an obvious 'you'll know it when you feel it' feeling.
If done correctly, you should be able to examine thoughts without stifling them with concentration.
Method:
Picture a wavy lake with an island in the middle.
Picture the lake being calmed until reflective.
Method:
Picture a colored ball with an energetic surface.
Calm the surface of said ball.
Method:
Imagine a rough noise calming down until smooth.
Method:
Bring your hand toward your body in a sweeping motion while breathing deeply.
3: Locate the data stream specifically related to your tulpa.
This is the data stream that allows your tulpa to interact with the five senses.
While in the passive state from step 2, briefly think of something pertaining to your tulpa's senses.
Await a response.
Method:
Declare what you are looking for.
"Sense stream for NameOfTulpa."
If this works properly, you should get a foreign response.
To improve, try centering during other activities.
You will be able to go longer durations with practice.
=======================================================================
Progress: Narration, no response.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/111.html
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
110
Wednesday, July 11, 2012, 12:20AM
It was good while it lasted.
I thought it might be worthy to note that I've been able to think in pictures lately. Until last night, I have been able to simply think of something and see it in my head. Last night, I dug too deep when I tried to focus on a person's nose. The lesson was that if I don't know what every part of a person looks like, then I shouldn't even try to fill in the gaps with my imagination. As you may have already guessed, the nose was corrupted a bit. Instead of aborting the thought process, I hopelessly subjected myself to focusing on it in an attempt to change things back to the way they were. I ended up aborting before it would get worse.
Even though I this is related to daymares, I don't really count this as a true daymare. This is an on-the-spot definition, but I think a daymare is a forced memory (which can be real, altered, or completely unrelated to the victim's life) which causes harm (mentally-draining, increased heartbeat, chest pain, and those imagined feelings from the memory such as fear, guilt, or physical injury). When my thoughts become corrupted, it becomes difficult to explain. I'm very certain it is related to daymares, but I can't put a word to it besides corruption.
Why?
I may have mentioned my theories before:
My brain wants to subject myself to negative emotions frequently in order to let off steam. If I didn't have frequent small ones to prepare me for the (in comparison) huge daymares, they would render me mentally harmed. I need to callous my mind to prepare. Cover my brain with mud to block the scorching sun.
I block out memories because they are too much for me to handle.
I block out memories because they are too beautiful and they would make me see everything I am experiencing as hellish in comparison.
I have a huge conscience, therefore I have huge empathy.
I have huge empathy, therefore I have a huge conscience.
I am actually an evil person and my brain is trying to make me good via subjecting me to 'see how you like it' simulations.
I am trying to recover from some terrible mentally-scarring event that I am suppressing.
I am constantly thinking and it separates me from normal perspectives of reality, which prevents me from relying on memories like other people.
I am constantly thinking, therefore I have no time to keep track of memories.
I am constantly thinking, therefore I convert constructs normally used for memory into other problem-solving constructs (pretty inefficient if you ask me, but the brain's the boss).
I have no memories, therefore I learned to adapt to social situations.
I am excellent at social adaptation, therefore I do not need memories.
My subconscious knows that negative feelings are bad, therefore it subjects me to them in order to make myself 'invincible' to them. Defiant to daymares. "Is that all you got?" A masochist even. "You can't hurt me when I take pleasure from the pain."
There are theories I do not want to say because they feed off of being spoken about. Use your imagination, I don't like to go there.
I have seen or known too much happen to the friends I meet. Innocents turning to drugs, alcohol, cutting, and living in tragic homes.
Everything I am is the result of having no childhood.
I have multiple personalities, each with its own memory and possibly even a combination of the above. This theory exponentiates the possibilities.
In other news... I still have a powersession tonight. I might edit this list with other theories.
Progress: Tulpa personality narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/1102.html
It was good while it lasted.
I thought it might be worthy to note that I've been able to think in pictures lately. Until last night, I have been able to simply think of something and see it in my head. Last night, I dug too deep when I tried to focus on a person's nose. The lesson was that if I don't know what every part of a person looks like, then I shouldn't even try to fill in the gaps with my imagination. As you may have already guessed, the nose was corrupted a bit. Instead of aborting the thought process, I hopelessly subjected myself to focusing on it in an attempt to change things back to the way they were. I ended up aborting before it would get worse.
Even though I this is related to daymares, I don't really count this as a true daymare. This is an on-the-spot definition, but I think a daymare is a forced memory (which can be real, altered, or completely unrelated to the victim's life) which causes harm (mentally-draining, increased heartbeat, chest pain, and those imagined feelings from the memory such as fear, guilt, or physical injury). When my thoughts become corrupted, it becomes difficult to explain. I'm very certain it is related to daymares, but I can't put a word to it besides corruption.
Why?
I may have mentioned my theories before:
My brain wants to subject myself to negative emotions frequently in order to let off steam. If I didn't have frequent small ones to prepare me for the (in comparison) huge daymares, they would render me mentally harmed. I need to callous my mind to prepare. Cover my brain with mud to block the scorching sun.
I block out memories because they are too much for me to handle.
I block out memories because they are too beautiful and they would make me see everything I am experiencing as hellish in comparison.
I have a huge conscience, therefore I have huge empathy.
I have huge empathy, therefore I have a huge conscience.
I am actually an evil person and my brain is trying to make me good via subjecting me to 'see how you like it' simulations.
I am trying to recover from some terrible mentally-scarring event that I am suppressing.
I am constantly thinking and it separates me from normal perspectives of reality, which prevents me from relying on memories like other people.
I am constantly thinking, therefore I have no time to keep track of memories.
I am constantly thinking, therefore I convert constructs normally used for memory into other problem-solving constructs (pretty inefficient if you ask me, but the brain's the boss).
I have no memories, therefore I learned to adapt to social situations.
I am excellent at social adaptation, therefore I do not need memories.
My subconscious knows that negative feelings are bad, therefore it subjects me to them in order to make myself 'invincible' to them. Defiant to daymares. "Is that all you got?" A masochist even. "You can't hurt me when I take pleasure from the pain."
There are theories I do not want to say because they feed off of being spoken about. Use your imagination, I don't like to go there.
I have seen or known too much happen to the friends I meet. Innocents turning to drugs, alcohol, cutting, and living in tragic homes.
Everything I am is the result of having no childhood.
I have multiple personalities, each with its own memory and possibly even a combination of the above. This theory exponentiates the possibilities.
In other news... I still have a powersession tonight. I might edit this list with other theories.
Progress: Tulpa personality narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/1102.html
109
Tuesday, July 10, 2012, 6:48PM
I'm typing this early because I don't know if I can guarantee that I'll be awake for much longer. I don't think I'll say anything else to prevent myself from saying anything incoherent.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/110.html
I'm typing this early because I don't know if I can guarantee that I'll be awake for much longer. I don't think I'll say anything else to prevent myself from saying anything incoherent.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/110.html
Monday, July 9, 2012
108
Monday, July 9, 2012, 9:30PM
After reading for three hours, my patience at the material was running out.
'This woman has never watched television, never talked on a phone, and never read a newspaper. Is she from another planet?'
I responded aloud, "Come on, love."
This daymare brought to you in part by phrases you continue to use for years at a time.
This experience spawned in me a theory that the reason I constantly change as a person is because I constantly throw away the things I do that make me who I am. Of course, this leads to the obvious theoretical conclusion of 'changing who you are all the time probably induces amnesia.'
I create theories like this every once in a while. It just so happened that I had access to a computer this time.
On another note, tulpae. I woke up to start narrating, but I ended up losing all my momentum due to other mental commitments (which have to do with making more time for my future-tulpa, so I'm not complaining.)
On another optimistic note, the last time I took a break, I was a narrating machine the next day.
Also, I still have a chance to redeem myself tonight in my powersession.
Progress: Tulpanarration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/109.html
After reading for three hours, my patience at the material was running out.
'This woman has never watched television, never talked on a phone, and never read a newspaper. Is she from another planet?'
I responded aloud, "Come on, love."
This daymare brought to you in part by phrases you continue to use for years at a time.
This experience spawned in me a theory that the reason I constantly change as a person is because I constantly throw away the things I do that make me who I am. Of course, this leads to the obvious theoretical conclusion of 'changing who you are all the time probably induces amnesia.'
I create theories like this every once in a while. It just so happened that I had access to a computer this time.
On another note, tulpae. I woke up to start narrating, but I ended up losing all my momentum due to other mental commitments (which have to do with making more time for my future-tulpa, so I'm not complaining.)
On another optimistic note, the last time I took a break, I was a narrating machine the next day.
Also, I still have a chance to redeem myself tonight in my powersession.
Progress: Tulpanarration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/109.html
Sunday, July 8, 2012
107
Sunday, July 8, 2012, 9:55PM
I narrated more today than yesterday, which is saying a lot. I could actually concentrate without strain. It is probably a combination of taking a low-action day yesterday and sleeping 7 whole hours. Anyway, today was very productive, I'd say. If you don't already have an idea of it, here's how I narrate:
Wake up.
Eat breakfast.
Remember I have a pre-tulpa.
"Oh, hello there. Want to water some flowers?"
"... and that's why I can't really think of anything phenomenal to say while watering plants."
"... I wonder how well I can do this in my head."
"... [insert psychoanalysis of people I observe here], what do you think?"
"... which veggie omelet should I order?"
"... I mean, if that's okay with you. I don't want to impose or anything."
"... let's do sociology homework!"
"... I'm only halfway done and I still think psychology is better, but I'll remain optimistic. Also, I'll do it tomorrow."
"... sorry, what was I saying? Err... thinking? I guess I can narrate pretty well in my head."
"... I can't believe I've had music playing this whole time and haven't forgotten about you."
"... is it getting dark already?"
Then at evening...
"... oops. Forgot about you for a while."
"... should I keep rambling or just publish the post?"
A doubt I am dealing with right now is whether or not I am narrating to myself or my pre-tulpa, but that's only a small problem.
Again, I plan on having a focused "I will do nothing but narrate about my day" session tonight.
Oh, this is good:
"... I was going to say something else too. What was it?"
I remembered: I am beginning to get a feel for how possible it is to have a tulpa help someone with remembering.
Progress: Tulpanarration continued.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/108.html
I narrated more today than yesterday, which is saying a lot. I could actually concentrate without strain. It is probably a combination of taking a low-action day yesterday and sleeping 7 whole hours. Anyway, today was very productive, I'd say. If you don't already have an idea of it, here's how I narrate:
Wake up.
Eat breakfast.
Remember I have a pre-tulpa.
"Oh, hello there. Want to water some flowers?"
"... and that's why I can't really think of anything phenomenal to say while watering plants."
"... I wonder how well I can do this in my head."
"... [insert psychoanalysis of people I observe here], what do you think?"
"... which veggie omelet should I order?"
"... I mean, if that's okay with you. I don't want to impose or anything."
"... let's do sociology homework!"
"... I'm only halfway done and I still think psychology is better, but I'll remain optimistic. Also, I'll do it tomorrow."
"... sorry, what was I saying? Err... thinking? I guess I can narrate pretty well in my head."
"... I can't believe I've had music playing this whole time and haven't forgotten about you."
"... is it getting dark already?"
Then at evening...
"... oops. Forgot about you for a while."
"... should I keep rambling or just publish the post?"
A doubt I am dealing with right now is whether or not I am narrating to myself or my pre-tulpa, but that's only a small problem.
Again, I plan on having a focused "I will do nothing but narrate about my day" session tonight.
Oh, this is good:
"... I was going to say something else too. What was it?"
I remembered: I am beginning to get a feel for how possible it is to have a tulpa help someone with remembering.
Progress: Tulpanarration continued.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/108.html
Saturday, July 7, 2012
106
Saturday, July 7, 2012, 9:29PM
I narrated more today than the other days, though I didn't do much else. Still listening.
Progress: Tulpanarration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/107.html
I narrated more today than the other days, though I didn't do much else. Still listening.
Progress: Tulpanarration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/107.html
Friday, July 6, 2012
105
Friday, July 6, 2012, 10:51PM
I didn't wake up and narrate right away, but I did narrate earlier than yesterday. I also ran into the problem of extremely low attention span. It was bad to the point that I was daydreaming. Hopefully this means that my brain was tired from the workout I've been giving it lately.
Progress: Tulpanarration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/106.html
I didn't wake up and narrate right away, but I did narrate earlier than yesterday. I also ran into the problem of extremely low attention span. It was bad to the point that I was daydreaming. Hopefully this means that my brain was tired from the workout I've been giving it lately.
Progress: Tulpanarration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/106.html
Thursday, July 5, 2012
104
Thursday, July 5, 2012, 9:26PM
Well, time for the powernarration. I slept most of the day away, which I could probably get used to, but I did do what I said and started narrating shortly after breakfast. I don't need to tell you that the narration stopped when I fell asleep. Like I said, time for a long session.
Progress: Good. Swell. Nice. Narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/105.html
Well, time for the powernarration. I slept most of the day away, which I could probably get used to, but I did do what I said and started narrating shortly after breakfast. I don't need to tell you that the narration stopped when I fell asleep. Like I said, time for a long session.
Progress: Good. Swell. Nice. Narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/105.html
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
103
Wednesday, July 4, 2012, 9:44PM
I'm lacking motivation to do much but narrate right now, which is good. My motivation is so low that skipping this blog post sounded like a viable option.
Have I mentioned this before? I don't think I have. Strange!
I'm not going to simply stop posting. I don't plan on giving up without saying anything. Even if I did feel like throwing in the towel, I wouldn't leave without saying goodbye. Even if I did say goodbye, I will probably return.
Long story short:
If I ever skip a post, consider me physically unable to and await a tale of my adventures.
But I am very good at backup plans, so don't expect me to be more than a little late.
Back to tulpae:
I am still narrating frequently throughout the day. This means that I set my pretulpa aside in order to use those mental resources for other tasks, not the other way around. This consists of short remarks and questions separated by pauses. This does not include the 'talk about the day' power session at the end of the day. I don't wake up and start narrating, but once I start, I go until the end of the day. Maybe I'll try to start when I wake up, though.
Progress: Tulpanarration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/104.html
I'm lacking motivation to do much but narrate right now, which is good. My motivation is so low that skipping this blog post sounded like a viable option.
Have I mentioned this before? I don't think I have. Strange!
I'm not going to simply stop posting. I don't plan on giving up without saying anything. Even if I did feel like throwing in the towel, I wouldn't leave without saying goodbye. Even if I did say goodbye, I will probably return.
Long story short:
If I ever skip a post, consider me physically unable to and await a tale of my adventures.
But I am very good at backup plans, so don't expect me to be more than a little late.
Back to tulpae:
I am still narrating frequently throughout the day. This means that I set my pretulpa aside in order to use those mental resources for other tasks, not the other way around. This consists of short remarks and questions separated by pauses. This does not include the 'talk about the day' power session at the end of the day. I don't wake up and start narrating, but once I start, I go until the end of the day. Maybe I'll try to start when I wake up, though.
Progress: Tulpanarration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/104.html
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
102.2
Tuesday, July 3, 2012, 11:25PM
I'm about to go for another powernarration.
Progress: Starting long narration sessions.
Goal: 60 min.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/103.html
I'm about to go for another powernarration.
Progress: Starting long narration sessions.
Goal: 60 min.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/103.html
Monday, July 2, 2012
102
Tuesday, July 3, 2012, 12:28AM
I just got done riding my bike while tulpanarrating. The session was intended to last for 50 minutes, but it became 70.
Progress: Retaliation stage, tulpanarration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/1022.html
I just got done riding my bike while tulpanarrating. The session was intended to last for 50 minutes, but it became 70.
Progress: Retaliation stage, tulpanarration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/1022.html
101
Monday, July 2, 2012, 9:39PM
Usually, I can't go more than a 10-minute stretch at once (and even that is full of empty space), but the time gets slightly longer or more frequent each day. These days, I don't keep track of how long I narrate at once unless it is related to the numbers on a treadmill or to the time I woke up.
I used to get on the IRC and check up on the blogs and be in awe of how individuals acted casually about this. I didn't think they were nearly as serious as I was about it, but they could just put their minds to it and get it done. Then like a switch, the same people who talk about cartoons and memes become the enlightened masters I wish I had.
I have a less psychological theory about how I think I need to progress. It has worked with a (very) few other situations in my life, so why not apply it to this one? Well, here's how I think this works-- I need to just... lose. I need to lose the battle, but not the war.
Declare goal.
Work toward goal.
Struggle.
Become humble.
Retaliate.<I am now here.
Exhaustion.
Defeat.
Natural epiphany.
I need to be crushed by the intensity of all the energy I've put into this. I am like Atlas right now, holding a planet-sized mass of my efforts, frustration, and other thoughts. I need to let it fall down on me. Instead of trying my best to grasp something, I need to let it manipulate me.
The thing is, I can't purposely let go. It has to be real. I have to try to keep holding it up as it gets heavier. I need to fight against it until exhaustion. I won't have it any other way.
I used to be a runner. I got to learn a lot about time. Time seems to slow down while running. Fifty minutes of long-distance running each day is not easy to get used to, but I've always liked that number. It sort of retaliates against the number sixty. It is like fourty-nine lashes being mercy from that fiftieth 'straw that breaks the camel's back'. Fifty is an incredible, unbearable number. Running is unbearable at 10 minutes if you try hard. This is why I am going to start off at fifty minutes tonight.
Progress: I am at the stage of retaliation.
Power session: 50 minutes.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/102.html
Sunday, July 1, 2012
100
Sunday, July 1, 2012, 11:59PM
Still going along with portable narration. No sign of 'life.' Hopefully slow personality narration is just me climbing to the top of a hill for a speedy slide down.
Progress: Slow personality narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/101.html
Still going along with portable narration. No sign of 'life.' Hopefully slow personality narration is just me climbing to the top of a hill for a speedy slide down.
Progress: Slow personality narration.
http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/07/101.html
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