39

Tuesday, May 1, 2012, 10:41PM

I started on my tulpa just to get a head start.  Give myself a little leeway.  If I made mistakes, I wouldn't beat myself up.  I never thought I would get this far.  I'm gagging.  I have tears in my eyes.  Dear God.

When people would say, "Imagine this...", I only thought I was seeing the image in my mind.  Let me tell you-- I have redefined vivid.  I am getting to the point where I don't work my mind-- my mind works for me.  I close my eyes and a hundred invisible hands sketch a picture.  I stared at it.  Just to make sure it was real.  I didn't even try.  I have always heard that the brain is like a muscle, but this is incredible.  Am I easily impressed?  I am.  This is nothing.  I am not even close to my final goal.

Let me give you the rundown of as many variables of the equation as I can:
I am on coffee again.  Also, lots of water.
I have not exercised.
I am hungry.
I didn't do much thinking today (napping in class, taking an easy chemistry test... what? Chemistry is easy!)
I have just responded to a stressful summer internship decision with extreme apathy.  Even though I had my doubts, I was relieved to find out that one of my old best friends still likes me despite our differences.  Clearing this up was like removing a weight from my shoulders.  After all of the strangely coincidental (okay, two) resolutions, I am refreshed.  I don't have a lot on my mind.
It is raining.  I blocked out lightning with blankets to window.  The room was dark enough that I could not adjust my eyes.
Music: one hour of MeditativeVisualization.  It is in the tulpaforce tumbler blog.
Earplugs under headphones.  I have insane hearing, so I can still hear the rain through everything.
I referenced the picture more than I ever have before-- keeping it before me for when I would lose it.
I did what was comfortable.  If I had an itch, I scratched it.  If my hair got in my face, I blew it away with an expertly-fired puff of air.  There was the slight taste of toothpaste in my mouth, so I got up a few minutes in to rinse.
Just before the intense visualization, I analyzed the basic line structure of the figure and applied it by using my eyes to draw it over a real-life reference picture.  Close eyes and 'draw' the lines in as few strokes as possible over the (crude, in my case) reference image you are imagining.

If you require additional details or need it explained differently, I check on this blog at least twice a day.

http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/05/40.html