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Saturday, April 21, 2012

I spent my hour of dedication today without music.  I did however, try out the wonderland.  It wasn't really perfect, but there was a lot about it I enjoyed.  I kind of let loose and did not hold anything back or try to change much, so it turned out beautiful in the night sky and the glowing fruit from the trees were like Christmas, but much less tacky.  I came in to my wonderland alone to search for my tulpa.  I met a character, an older woman with blue hair, who would always pull me back into my meditative state when I would start to fall out.  I enjoyed walking on walls, which symbolized that I had control over the world. 
Behind a stone wall of a castle-like structure was my tulpa.  I tried to destroy the wall in a jagged fashion, but my tulpa reprimanded me.  I tried again by turning the wall into a door, but I was told to try again.  I tried a curtain.  Nope-- I think my tulpa (me) knew it would start strangling things. 
While this is happening, I am trying my hardest to stay attached to the world and whenever I fall out, the blue-haired girl takes out an orb and it shines like a lamp.  I am compelled to concentrate on it and feel its energy-- shouting louder and concentrating, it glowed brighter and I felt myself become more stable in the meditation. 
An arch was my final creation and it worked, but just like a dream, I was having trouble seeing my tulpa's face.  We walked on a few walls while I changed 'up' to 'left'.  I know that was not my tulpa, but myself whenever it spoke (or did anything for that matter).

http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/04/30.html