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Sunday, April 29, 2012, 10:29PM

I meditated at around 3PM, so this is a little late.  Meditation was definitely the highlight of today.  I am getting better with each session.  My residence was the loft of my house on the couch that had my sitting imprint in it.  I chose try meditating next to my brother-- I tend to do better at most activities when I have someone to sort of 'feed off of' nearby.  My brain is getting better at comprehending complex shapes and keeping them from transforming.  I had a piece of paper beside me and what I experienced, I had to write down.

Here is what I wrote down:

"I feel the opposite of what is was in my heart.  Lightweight.  Laughter."

If the release from this world has a good feeling, that was the feeling.  I could not keep myself from smiling and, eventually, laughing.  I tingled all over.  It was like the pain that I was used to was gone or I was in that tingling stage of sleep.  I didn't even feel gravity pulling me down.  I felt true joy.  My writing continued:

"No voice convincing me that laughter is a sign of lack of control and therefore weakness."  

I felt like a kid who broke the vase, but my parents let me off the hook.  I really need to stop emphasizing voices in my head.  Think 'conscience.'

My hours of visualization were paying off.  I was using the hallway in front of me to scale my tulpa.  Facial features are still extremely abstract, but I eventually struggled with my mold to a good shape and kept that picture in my mind longer than I had hoped.  When I got up to take a drink (I basically drink water non-stop throughout the day), I could see my tulpa better than I could with my eyes closed.  I didn't want to go back to meditation because the image was imprinted right in front of me.

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