34

Thursday, April 26, 2012, 11:24PM

I didn't make my hour of meditation in, but I still have a little more time to redeem myself tonight.  I am looking at everything with a more artistic perspective.  This is less seeing in front of me and more paying attention to detail.  Maybe I am just in a good mood lately.  Maybe it is the relaxing meditation?

Earlier today, something happened which made my eyes open. I was taking a little snooze in math class (I already took calculus in high school-- give me a break!) when I felt a tap on the shoulder.  It took me a second to realize that no one in the room touched me.

This brings me to my point of discussion.  Psychology is very important to me and I hope I at least leave you with a better appreciation for it with my blog.  One of the topics of psychology is the placebo effect.  This means that you can give someone a fake medicine and tell them that it cures something-- and it will.  Harry Potter did this to his friend Ron Weasley to make him more confident so he would do well in quittage.  Our minds are very mysterious and very powerful.

If you've been reading my posts, you should know that I am pretty messed-up.  Along with this, I have no idea how many months or years ago this occurred due to my skewed concept of time.  I am remembering all of this because of recent events reminding me.  See my post on triggers.  Long story short, I have memory problems.  I never told anyone(?) until I was caught on the spot one day.  I had no mind-fuel left to fake vague knowledge, throw a distraction out, or pull any other tricks.

So, my mother found out.  We scheduled for me to have a brain MRI (they took a 3D picture of my brain) to check for abnormalities.  The MRI is a very safe procedure and does not harm patients unless they forget to mention surgical screws, teeth fillings, or any other metallic object that can be forcibly torn through flesh by the super-magnet.  My father talked about the healing powers of magnets... how fortunate I was to live in this time.  He is always very supportive.  Optimistic.  Not showing concern for the cost of the procedure.

I was pushed into the machine lying on my back.  After a few minutes into the session, the magnet pulled at my brain, creating the most helpless sensation imaginable.  The technician and my mother tried to suggest to me that I just imagined the feeling.  I was shaking with fear.  It is surreal when no one believes you.  Nightmarish.  I did not want to go back in.  Then again, I am a psychologist at heart and I knew about these things-- the mind is powerful enough to create any illusion.  I respected the authority of the professional.  I must not have lost my trust of people at that time.  I was slowly convinced to try it again.

After I settled down for a bit, I forgot about the foreign feeling.  How did it feel?  If I cannot remember how it felt, so they may be right.  I lay down on the slab, got buried six feet into the cylinder, and closed my eyes.  MRI's make scans at various frequencies, or so I was told by the technician.  All I could think of were the happiest thoughts.  The technician was firing different frequencies manually out of my sight.  I had to trust her.  I focused so hard that day-- on a utopia, a dream world, or some illusion to escape with.

Sometimes we can fool ourselves out of fear.  Maybe it was my fear.  Maybe my mind needs some balancing out.  I can't be sure.  All I know is, that it was real to me twice.

http://wintrovert.blogspot.com/2012/04/35.html